If Wishes Were Fishes
by HenriettaDarlington
Summary: In which Trixie Tang makes increasingly poor romantic choices with increasingly odd people. Under Revision.
1. If Wishes Were Fishes

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over the Fairly OddParents franchise.

**Content Warning: Sexual Content, foul language, underage relationships**

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_If Wishes Were Fishes_

Everyone knew that pretty people were treated better than ugly people. It's a fact that the handsome elite were offered job opportunities the ugly masses could never dream of. Studies show that during first impressions attractive people were considered more trustworthy. Sure, all their benefits come in part because people want to fuck them, but still. There's a reason nobody had ever taken it seriously when someone said they're so beautiful it's a curse.

Another fact was that Beatrix "Trixie" Tang was beautiful. She was a willowy child, but petite as a teen, and girlishly slender the entire time. She had hair like the night and big blue eyes framed with long dark lashes that made her look like she was always wearing makeup. Every color was her color, but she especially favored a shade of lavender she wore so often that people in Dimmsdale sometimes called it Tang Purple. Trixie Tang was a kind of pretty that didn't happen every day.

By the time she was seventeen she had moved right past cute teenage boys straight on to celebrity heartthrobs. It only made sense to her, so many guys were still immature children while she was blossoming into womanhood.

Back then she was just doing what she did every weekend, getting ready for a party with her boy of the week. She was still with Chip Skylark at the time so she wanted, no, needed to look like a celebrity girlfriend. Her hair was flat ironed glossily straight. The wings of her eyeliner were glass cutters. Her dress was Tang Purple and daringly short with a frilled bottom. All of it topped off with nude pumps and perfect accessories, Trixie Tang felt like she could take on anything this party would throw her way.

She was not ready for what the party would throw at her.

Trixie twirled in her bedroom, showing off for her 'Bestie for the Restie' Veronica Starr, "Do you think it's too much?"

Veronica was already in her own dress, a short hot pink thing that was so skin tight you could see what she ate for breakfast and was finishing putting her bleach blonde hair up with all of Trixie's bobby pins, "Oh my god, Trixie, that dress is too cute!"

"I know! Minidresses are, like, so totally in this season," Trixie fluffed the skirt and turned to gaze at herself in the mirror, "So you like it then?"

"I love it!" Veronica nodded, one hand still on her hair to keep it stable, "It's just makes you looks sooo skinny!"

"Thaaanks," Trixie dragged the word out, still absorbed in her reflection. She didn't think she needed a dress to make herself look skinny, but she understood what Veronica meant. She turned to face her friend with a smirk, "And you know since Chip bought it for me, I just couldn't resist wearing it tonight."

Veronica's face was trained into snobbish boredom as she fixed herself, but Trixie could read the jealousy in it gleefully.

The fanning of Trixie's ego was cut unfortunately short by the appearance of her father at the door, "Sweetheart, Veronica, Chad and Tad are here."

"Okay, Daddy, we'll be down in a second."

After touching up their make up one last time, the two girls descended the staircases to the lavish front entry of the Tang Mansion. They were greeted by the familiar sight of the same party escorts they'd had since elementary school, Tad and Chad.

The two boys looked almost exactly as they had then, only scaled up to adult proportions. They still had the same matching purple blazers, black pants, and sunglasses indoors. Even their perfectly styled hair was the same as it had always been.

The four of them had been going to parties together for as long as any of them had been going to parties. They had it down to a science and no one even had to ask before each girl took a boy's arm and practically dragged them out the front door and into the waiting limo amid shouts of "Don't wait up, Daddy!" and "See you later, Mr. T."

Settling in the Limo, Tad looked at his friends and smirked, "Next stop, Casa de Skylark and the paparazzi awaiting our arrival."

Chad rolled his eyes and shoved Tad, "I doubt they'd want a picture of you when they can get all this." He motioned to his own admittedly handsome face.

Veronica laughed, but Trixie just checked her reflection in the window.

Chad grinned, "Worried about Britney Britney stealing your man?"

"No!" Trixie snapped. Why should she care that her boyfriend's ex, who unlike Trixie was old enough to buy alcohol, would be there tonight.

"Well don't worry, Trixie. We'll get there and old Chip won't even remember why he invited some washed up psycho bitch when he has a babe like you on his arm." He slung an arm around her shoulder and gave her a conspiratorial grin, "You and Chip will have a great time. B.B. will probably end up going home with Tad, you know he likes them crazy."

Tad reached over to jokingly punch Chad and Trixie giggled so hard she snorted.

The rest of the drive to the party was an easy one, with familiar worn in-jokes traded and friendly teasing that could only exist between people who had been born in the same hospital, gone to the same overpriced pre-school, would go to the same colleges, would join the same country clubs, and probably marry each other and start the whole cycle anew.

When they got to the Skylark Penthouse, the party was already in full swing. Celebrities and their entourages danced on the balcony to songs they had probably sung, drank ridiculously expensive booze supplied by waiters, and lounged around expensive name brands. It was conspicuous consumerism at its finest by that New Rich Elite. The gang was greeted almost immediately by their host, Chip Skylark himself.

Chip had aged in the way all teen singing sensations hoped to. A twenty something, he was a handsome man with a smile so bright that could blind people who viewed him in direct sunlight. He was still lean, but had grown out of his teenaged lankiness. Seeing him like this, friendly and grinning that charming thousand watt smile it was no wonder Chip had made the transition from teen singer to movie star easily. And there he was with his eyes only on Trixie. It was the kind of thing that would make a lesser girl swoon.

"Trix!" As soon as he was in reach he pulled Trixie against him and kissed her with that mouth that was so perfect there were fansites dedicated to it.

Once they stopped to breathe he greeted her friends with his famous smile, one arm still wrapped around Trixie's waist, "Tad, Chad, and Veronica, who's looking great as always by the way, glad you guys could come!"

The compliment Chip gave Veronica didn't even bother Trixie, who normally prefered to be the center of attention. Sure, Veronica looked good, but Trixie was the one with a muscular celebrity arm around her waist. She was still enjoying the attention when Chip finished talking to her friends and turned to her, "Trix, I've got to introduce you to the guy who helped me break into the music industry!"

He led her through the crowd of people with ease, exchanging greetings with the likes of people like Justin Jake Ashton and Ryan McCain. When they finally stopped it was in front of a man who Trixie couldn't recognize. He was lounging on a couch by the bar in the back of the main room and was surrounded by a throng of stunning women. "Norm!"

"Chip!" The man stood up and pulled Chip into a brotherly hug.

Norm was tan skinned with long, curly black hair in a ponytail. He had the most incredibly sculpted cheekbones cheekbones Trixie had ever seen and they actually managed to make the sunglasses at night and goatee combination he had not look silly. He older than Chip and had at least ten years on Trixie, but she could see why the models were flocking to him. Even if his smile was less shiny than Chip's it had a sort of roguish quality, like he knew secrets she would kill to hear.

Trixie knew she was at least semi-monogamous with Chip, but she could at least appreciate that he was the least skeevy record producer she had ever seen.

The two men were still talking when Chip motioned to her, "Norm, this is Trixie Tang. Trixie this is the guy I was telling you about, Norm."

"Aw, you're gonna scare this girl off before we've even met," Norm took her hand, his voice friendly and low, "I'm Norm, hope he hasn't told you anything too horrible about me before we've gotten the chance to get to know each other, Trixie."

She had to suppress an actual physical shiver that went through her when she touched his hand, like an electrical shock, "Nothing so horrible that it isn't like, a complete pleasure to meet you, Norm."

"Good, because I can tell I like you already." Norm looked her up and down over the top of his sunglasses, his eyes a brilliant purple. He turned back to Chip, "I hate to tear you away from your gorgeous date, but we need to talk."

"Sure, Norm." Chip's glittering smile was strained, "I'll be right back, Trix."

He walked off without kissing her goodbye.

Chip did not come right back.

After he slipped off to some room to talk to Norm he came back to main room of his penthouse looking thoughtful. He almost immediately headed to the bar and got to work getting hammered. He spent the next several hours schmoozing with various other celebrities while Trixie became more and more annoyed.

At first she waited for him to come back, chatting with the girls who had been crowded around Norm. Apparently he had been telling hilariously embarrassing stories about various celebrities who weren't at the party. Having met his daughter, Trixie could certainly believe what they claimed Chet Ubetcha had been caught doing under his news anchor desk.

She danced a little with Tad and Chad, which was a nice enough way to spend time. She did so love being the center of attention between two cute guys.

Trixie only started to get annoyed by Chip's absence when it started to get embarrassing if someone asked her where he was and she couldn't anwser. She decided that if he wanted to hang around with his rich friends she could do the same and sought out Veronica. Spending some "girl time" with her was short lived, as her best friend was busy trying to get into Skip Sparklypants glittering garments. Veronica's desperation was not cute and Trixie didn't really want to be associated with that, so she went off to find her boyfriend again.

When she found him she was decidedly unamused.

"Hey, Chip, whatcha doing?"

What Chip was doing was sitting on a bar stool, surrounded by the same models that had been previously been mooning over Norm. He was visibly drunk and on his lap sat an equally drunk Britney Britney.

"Wha'? Oh hey, Tricks." He was slurring and mangled her name, "I was jus' telling these lovely ladies about how me an' Brit used t' do songs t'gether."

Britney Britney giggled and she was still terribly pretty despite the fact she looked like she was already drunk when she applied her makeup to come here and her hair was cropped painfully short from recently being shaved. Not as pretty as Trixie, but the disrepaired state she was in gave her a sense of adultishness Trixie lacked,"Chiiiiiip."

"Briiiiit," He responded, eyes only for the woman on his lap. Just who the fuck did he think he was, ignoring her?

"Chiiiiippy, we should do another song t'gether." She leaned over and nuzzled her face into his hair affectionately.

He looked at her like she had just told him the meaning of life, the universe, and everything, "We should totally do it!"

"You two have fun with that." Trixie said in a light airy tone, like she wasn't even mad, just bored.

Being ignored made Trixie's guts twist.

She made her way through the crowd with a fury that in another life could have led to her to homicide. In this life, however, she just grabbed a drink off a passing tray and downed it. It burned when she swallowed, but she was a Californian rich kid and she had been stealing from her daddy's wine cellar since she was twelve. Still she'd rather believe that she couldn't handle her drink than acknowledge that knot in her throat.

As she passed through the crowd she spotted Tad and Chad flirting equally hard with some smoking hot redhead. Veronica was off to another side, openly making out with Skip Sparklypants. None of her friends even cared she was having an awful night and all of a sudden she was just as mad as them as she was a Chip. She grabbed another drink and headed for the exit. She was so done with this. Trixie was going to go home and watch Kissy Kissy Goo Goo then bitch about the casting decisions to her butler. They could find a ride home that wasn't with her.

She was almost out the door when a hand caught her, "Hey, where's the fire?"

It was Norm, leaning casually against the wall and looking amused that she was storming out of this party.

"Oh hey, Norm." She regarded him with the same bored disinterest that she gave the boys at school.

"Hey, Trixie," He smiled, "You're looking excited to be here."

"Actually," She said coolly, pulling her arm out of his grasp, "I was just leaving."

"Look, whatever Chip did I'll talk to him about it. Whatever teeth whitener he uses rots his brain." Norm sighed then looked at her over his glasses, purple eyes meeting blue, "First I need to talk to you."

When he took her by the shoulders and led her away from the door she couldn't suppress a shiver. Touching him felt like being in an electrical storm, to a degree that seemed to surpass attraction. The hair on her neck stood up, "So what do you want to talk about?"

He opened the door to Chips bedroom and guided her in, shutting the door behind him before he replied, "So how did you meet Chip?"

"Daddy helped finance one of his movies and we were invited to the red carpet release." She cringed that she called her father daddy in front of this grown up looking man she wanted to make out with, but only a little. She was too drunk to really care, "How did you?"

Norm chuckled, "I knew him before he was famous. I heard him singing one day and knew I had to get him on contract for it before someone else heard that goldmine."

"So we both paid for him to get where he is now." And this was how he repaid her, by macking on some other woman where everyone could see.

Sensing her upset, Norm petted her hair in a way that he had no way to know how much she liked, "I meant it when I said Chip's a numbskull. He'd have to be to ignore a nice little girl like you."

Trixie pulled away from him, he was being ridiculously condescending and nobody talked to a Tang like that, "I'm not a little girl."

Norm smirked and sat down casually on Chips bed, "You might not be nice you are pretty little, girl."

She stood up straight, not that it helped much, she was barely over five feet and Norm had to be at least six and a half, He was eye to eye with her sitting down, "So?"

"So," Norm reached out and pulled her onto the bed next to him, fingers trailed down her arms to hold her hands his voice so low it was practically a purr, "What are you doing in a place like this?"

"Chip's my boyfriend, he invited me." It sounded weirdly defense to her ears. Chip wasn't really her boyfriend, but he did invite her. It's not like she crashed the party, she had every right to be here.

"Except nows he's off snuggled up to Britney Britney?" He raised an eyebrow and she could still see his eyes and they were still so purple. She didn't even know people could have eyes that color in nature. Eye contact with them made her feel dizzy.

She nodded and huffed, almost childishly, "He shouldn't have left me like that, it was, like, totally rude."

"It, like, totally was." The phrasing sounded mocking, but his tone was one of complete agreement. He was talking so soft and low, she wouldn't have been able to hear him if they were back in the main room with the music playing, "I bet there are guys in this town who would kill to get a smile out of you."

His sunglasses were in the way and frankly they had to go, Trixie reached forward and plucked his glasses off, moving close enough to him that their hips touched. "There are guys at this party who would do that."

He leaned back and blinked, surprised at her, then chuckled. He caught her cheeks in his hands, "And I can see why."

"Good." He ought to. Trixie leaned forward and kissed him.

It was like licking an electrical socket, in a very literal sense. She could practically feel energy radiating off of him as she pressed her partially open lips to his closed ones. Her hands went up to cup his face and that stirred him to action. Norm opened his mouth and kissed back, tongue entwining with hers. He tasted like the overpriced liquor and every bad choice she'd ever made. He dragged her close, one hand staying on her face while the other moved down as he pulled her onto his lap.

He broke the kiss with a gasp, leaving her panting, "Didn't you say that Chip was your boyfriend, sweetheart?"

"It's an off and on kind of thing," She shrugged lightly.

He grinned and kissed her again, "Good, then he won't mind this," He reached down and slipped a hand up her dress, squeezing her ass, "I think you'll have more fun this way anyway."

"Awfully sure of yourself, aren't you?" She squeaked slightly as he groped her. Trixie shut herself up with a firm kiss, which she proceeded to then trail across his cheek and down to his neck.

Norm made a soft, pleased sound in the back of his throat, "I've had eons of practice." He moved his hand off the roundness of her ass to the cleft between her legs, rubbing his fingers against panties.

Any retort she had about him exaggerating died on her lips decayed moan. She was just sensitive like that.

They both sat there like that for a moment before Trixie ground her hips down against him and kissed his neck, sucking lightly. The liquor and badness of this situation made her feel brave. She could also feel his arousal against her and it gave her a heady rush of victory.

"Trixie," He groaned her name, "I can really see everyone around here's so interested in you."

This was a odd thing for anyone to say, especially someone she'd never met before tonight, but the idea of being the person everyone talks about was enticing, "Good."

Her hands went behind her back and she tugged the zipper of her dress down.

He didn't even hesitate to pull the dress off over her head and tossed it off in the general direction of the floor, "Oh, those are nice."

They were, indeed, nice. Trixie's breasts were small and pert, nipples already hard little peaks. Her stomach was a perfectly flat plain, with a tiny wasp waist leading down to the swell of her hips. She was not just a pretty face, she had a pretty body too.

When he didn't make any move to undress she sighed, "This isn't really fair."

"No it isn't," He grinned and pulled off his jacket, then started on his shirt, shrugging it off, "So do you go out without a bra often?"

"The back of the dress was,like, way too low to wear one. The only other option was a backless bra and let me tell you they are the least sexy thing there ever was." She took a moment to admire what a good decision this was.

He was long and lean, muscled like a swimmer, with minimal amounts of body hair, though still more than her perfectly waxed self. He almost seemed to glow in the darkness of the bedroom. Once he got his pants and underwear were off she could see that he was long all over. Jeez she really hoped he didn't plan on bottoming out too fast in her. That thing was going to have to take it slow.

Reaching out he cupped her breasts in his hands, kneading flushed pink flesh. Norm leaned forward and wrapped his mouth around one pink nipple, sucking and earning a hiccuping gasp from Trixie. Slipping a hand between her legs and into her pantys, he slicked his fingers across the wet heat of her opening.

She squirmed, eyes screwed shut as she pressed her breasts into his face. She was always kind of needy in the bedroom, but he was playing her like a piano. Trixie felt so very responsive under his touch.

Norm pulled back from her with a grin and suddenly Trixie was pinned underneath him, kissing feverishly as her hands twisted in his hair. He removed her panties like a stage magician, faster than she could tell, but everything slowed down when the head of him was pressed against her entrance.

"Last chance to back out?" He grinned and eyed her hungrily.

It had to be the shivery feeling she got from touch him and the mixed drinks she had had earlier, but Trixie could have sworn that he was literally glowing now, radiating in the darkness of her boyfriend's bedroom. Suddenly she didn't feel like this was such a great idea. Her stomach twisted and she was suddenly very worried that Norm wasn't actually all that nice a guy. It felt like Trixie was about to make a deal with the devil. With her vag.

"Wait, what about condoms?" She blurted out.

This was clearly not the reply Norm was expecting and he took a moment to blink, but then he smiled. He leaned back off of her and pulled a condom seemingly out of nowhere. Probably from a suit pocket or something. As he put it on Trixie felt comforted. He was a good guy and they were going to have steamy hot sex and Chip would be totally jealous and the only reason she was nervous was because she had almost forgotten about condoms. Safe sex was important.

"Now let's try this again." He grinned and positioned himself at her. The head of his cock stretched her as it went it and everything was hot hot hot.

She threw her head back and gasped. He took his time, thankfully, and slid into her snug but not too much so. It was the perfect dick and she got goosebumps when he was sheathed all the way inside her.

"You alright, sweetheart?" Unlike her he was the picture of peace. He looked down on her heavy liddedly and rubbed little circles on her hip.

Oh, god, didn't she just look weak. Who moaned like a porn star when the guy just stuck it in? Though she was always kind of showy in the sack even she was not so easily wrecked, but at the moment she felt positively heady. "Totally fine."

"Let's see if we can change that." Norm began to roll his hips into her, slowly at first, taking time to enjoy the feeling to Trixie around him. Groaning, he grabbed her and pulled her into a messy kiss.

Her gasping was silenced by the kiss. Trixie was having a religious experience. He thrusts against the achy needy spots inside of her so perfectly in a way no one she had ever been with before him had managed. It was like a puzzle piece designed for the perfect fit.

Lips moved to her neck where he sucked lightly and grazed his teeth over her skin, making her shiver. The pace of his thrusting was matching to what Trixie realized was the muffled beat of the music outside.

A warm hand moved between their connected hips and now he was playing her like a keyed instrument in a more literal sense. It felt positively beatific as he worked her over inside and out.

It was not just Trixie having a moment, because Norm had not stopped groaning and talking into her neck. Half of what he said seemed to be in a language Trixie did not speak although the tone told her enough to know he was having a good time. What he was saying in english was along the lines of this being a great idea and vague jokes she didn't quite understand.

Turning her head to the side to give him better access to her neck Trixie moaned, high and girlish, "Norm!"

"Yeah, Trix," He grunted and bit her now, not hard enough to bleed, but she was definitely coming out of this with like sixty hickies,"Tell me what you want."

"Harder!" She arched her back up and grinded against him.

Norm grinned at her, breathing hard with an almost mean look on his face, "Beg for it."

She blinked up at him, a little confused. Begging wasn't really Trixie's thing, but if it was his she could play along, "Harder, oh, god, please! Fuck me up! Wreck me?" Okay the last part might be overselling it, but whatevs. He seemed to like it.

This seemed to do the trick and he groaned, low and throaty, "Your wish is my command, baby." He snapped his hips against her's now, the flesh on flesh sound of sex filling the air.

"Please, oh god, fuck me!" Yeah she could totally do this whole begging thing. Especially when it was so worth it.

It was a nice, fast pace and Trixie threw her arms around Norms neck, kissing him with equal fervour. He was absolutely fucking her into the bed while keeping on her clit at all times and she was lavishing the attention, the gasping and moaning coming from both parties. It was a wonder the party outside couldn't hear them even over the thumping base.

Trixie's skin ached, her blood pounded in her ears. It felt like someone was taking a seam-ripper to her nerves. The only thing that made her sure she wasn't having some sort of out of body episode was the radiating heat of Norm's skin on hers.

She was approaching climax fast and managed to stutter out a whine of, "N-Norm, oh wow!" before she came undone, eyelids fluttering and fingers tangling in his hair. Did she really just say wow when she came?

He followed suit quickly, coming undone above her. He pressed his face into her bruised neck and groaned her name. "Trixie!"

They were lying on the together in a panting heap, his warm body covering hers. Trixie ran her neatly french manicured nails through his curly hair that had at some point come down from his ponytail. She had probably yanked it free. She hoped it hadn't hurt. Norm leaned back, propping himself up on his elbows and smiling down at her, breathing heavy.

She regarded him through heavy eyelashes, "That was nice." Her flushed face and slightly dreamy smile pushed away any intended implication of snooty rich girl boredom.

"It was okay." He agreed with a smirk and rolled over to lay down on the bed next to her.

They lay there for a moment, accompanied by only the sound of each other breathing before Norm broke the silence, "Trixie."

"Mhmm?" She turned to face him.

"Make a wish."

"What?" She eyed him in confusion, still a little fuzzy from orgasm.

Norm turned over to face her and cupped her cheek, staring her down with those pretty purple eyes that once again seemed to be glowing. "Make a wish, Trixie."

Okay, that was weird, but Trixie was positively entranced by his dazzling eyes. "I wish… um..."

He moved closer to her, faces only a hair width apart now, "You wish…?"

"I wish I could do this kind of thing more often?" The moment felt weirdly intimate, even for people who had just had sex. Some might even dare to describe it as magical.

He leaned forward a kissed her, warm lips surprisingly chaste against hers. It felt like she swallowed a battery, electricity coursing through her veins and lighting up her mind for a moment, before everything went normal again.

"What just happened?" She stared with big blue eyes and he really did light up in the dark room.

He smirked and leaned back, arms behind his head, "Wish granted."

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Author's Note: Here it is, the new and improved edition of Trixie Tang's Sexcellent Adventure. Reviews are appreciated.


	2. A Business Arrangement

Disclaimer: I still claim no ownership over the Fairly OddParents franchise.

**Content Warning: Sexual Content, Foul Language, Underage**

Last time: Trixie Tang gives up monogamy.

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A Business Arrangement

Magic was for little kids and conspiracy theorists. It was not for teenage girls who planned on going to expensive colleges and lots of high society philanthropy events. The closest they should get to magic should be sorority rituals and 'magical romantic moments' with prospective partners. Magic for them should be flowery and symbolic, not something that can be grasped with both hands, or possibly a mouth.

Trixie Tang did not believe in magic.

She had been interrupted before she had the chance to find out by Chad bursting into the room and declaring they needed to leave immediately. While he was suitably embarrassed once he realized that she was post-coital he insisted time was of the essence. Apparently Britney Britney had had a complete break down, the cops had been called, and considering they didn't want to be arrested for underage drinking charges again they needed to leave. Given how much trouble they had all gotten in when Veronica got a DUI last year Trixie was on the move before Chad even left the room. Norm told her he needed to go see if Chip needed help handling the police situation and he would see her again soon.

It wasn't until Trixie got home that she realized that in her rush she didn't get a number. She hadn't even gotten a last name.

When Trixie awoke the next morning she surprisingly hangover free. With that good omen she decided right then to put the night out of her mind As the most popular girl in town she was well versed in the art dancing just out of reach of the consequences of her decisions and she was sure nothing would come of it. She filed her night with Norm away as a particularly fun, if bizarre, accident and didn't give her wish any more thought than that.

Trixie spent the next week doing what she usually did in the summertime. She shopped and she gossiped and she went to the beach with her friends. Trixie and Tad saw the latest blockbuster and ate a ton of theater candy. She did a lot of cardio. It was all good fun for a girl with unlimited funds.

The only little smidgen of distress she felt was due to the fact Chip hadn't called to apologize.

But what did she care about him? After all, she had proved that she could have any man she wanted so if Chip Skylark didn't value her enough that was his problem. If it made her guts churn at any point she just assured herself that she could find some new beau whenever she felt like it. Hell, maybe she'd find one that night.

Well that wasn't likely. All the people she would see tonight would be Daddy's boring business partners. It was a business dinner party after all. That meant boring guys three her age talking about the stock market. Not really exciting times.

That didn't really matter, though. Trixie was going to get to do what everyone knew she did best, look pretty in a dress and flirt!

She admired herself in her mirror and, oh, she did looked fabulous. Hair swooped up into a classy french twist, makeup with nice nude tones, she looked perfect down to her black pumps. She wore a knee length, black pencil dress with a high neckline and plunging back. Pearl jewelry pulled it all together. She was a jawdropper.

There was a knock on her door and her father immediately burst in without giving her time to respond, "Oh, Trixie, the guests will be arriving soon."

She gave him her sweetest smile, "I'll be ready in a second, Daddy."

"Okay, Angel, just hurry. I want you to greet everyone with me." He gave his daughter a fond look and left, shutting the door behind him.

Trixie took this time to spritz on some perfume, the classy kind she saved for this sort of party and gave herself one last look over.

She looked the part of Ms. Tang, all elegant and ladylike, like her mother had once. Even if she only got it because of what people wanted to do with her, on nights like this Trixie had real power. She walked with the corporate giants.

She stepped out of the door and down to the entrance, never wondering about people who had more power than even her.

Greeting guests wasn't that bad.

"Doug Dimmadome, it's so nice to see you!" Mr. Winston Tang, Trixie's father, held out his hand to shake, but was pulled into a fraternal hug by the friendly southerner.

"Winston," The man boomed, well his voice always boomed, but now particularly so, "It's been too long!"

Mr. Tang managed to untangle himself from Dimmadome and Dimmadome turned to face Trixie.

"Hello, Mr. Dimmadome." She smiled politely.

"Ms. Trixie, you look pretty as usual." He tipped his hat at her, only to then go right back to talking with her father, "So I hear tonight they'll be pitching some new investment plans for us."

It would go on like that for several more guests, Trixie being summarily ignored for her rich and important father. She was only there to look pretty and be nice. A sort of fuckable party decoration, if you will.

This all changed when the last guests arrived.

When the doors opened a pair of mundane men stepped inside. They were dressed identically, each in dull gray suits and neatly polished leather shoes.

The older man was average looking in every way, gray haired and balding. His circle framed glasses covered eyes the exact same color as his suit. That was some respectably color coordination. He was a little taller than Trixie, but held himself with a confidence that commanded the room. He looked like someone took a thousand New Yorker company CEOs from the sixties and averaged them into one man.

The younger man was attractive in a strictly conventional, stockbroker sort of way. His hair was a black pompadour and his skin was slightly tan. His jawline was incredibly square and Trixie thought she could use it as a straight edge on a math test. He looked like he could be anywhere between late twenties to late thirties, a nondescript sort of handsome.

"Mr. Smith," Trixie's father was addressing the older man and shook his hand firmly, "It's a pleasure to have you here tonight."

"It's a pleasure to be here," Mr. Smith didn't sound that pleased, his voice was completely monotone and slightly nasally, "This is my associate Mr. Sanderson."

Trixie's father shook hands with the younger man and smiled, "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Sanderson."

Sanderson nodded and withdrew his hand, "And you as well."

Surprisingly, Mr. Smith turned to face Trixie, "And who are you, miss?"

"Oh," Mr. Tang looked like he had forgotten Trixie was there for a moment, "This is my daughter Beatrix."

She gave her most demure smile and held out a hand, "It's lovely to meet you, sir."

His eyes seemed to burrow into her skin, like he was studying her to decide her usefulness. He shook her hand firmly, very unlike the weird delicate porcelain grip Daddy's cohorts usually used on her. It was a very good handshake, "Likewise, Ms. Tang."

When she pulled her hand back she got an odd buzzing feeling, a bit like being too close to a balloon full of static electricity.

"Well, ladies and gentlemen," Her father intoned, "Dinner is ready so perhaps we should move to the dining room."

Dinner itself was relatively uneventful. A sample of the conversation went as follows.

"Well, Doug, I'm just not sure about that new Rockefeller boy they put in charge of the Faust trust. His father was a great investor, but he got kicked out of Cambridge for setting the library on fire. Old Jeffrey Rockefeller actually stayed on two extra years to pay it off."

"Oh, Winston, don't tell me you didn't sow some wild oat when you were young. I was just like that boy back in the forties and I settled down eventually."

"Perhaps the risk taking will mean he'll take higher profit investments."

"Unfortunately that could lead to higher losses."

They all sat around the enormous Tang dining room table talking about the economy and buffing each others egos. Frankly both subjects bored Trixie, but it wouldn't matter even if she was absolutely riveted by those things. No one wanted her opinion on whether the mayor would be reelected or what was a safe investment or if their ties went with their shirts. These men were all far older than her, all wrapped up in their own world. It was one where girls like Trixie were strictly window dressing. She could have been a genius and still all she would get would get would be some feigned interest by a man who wanted to marry her for her stock market portfolio and how she would look on his arm.

The only exception to everyone's disinterest in her came in the form of disquieting staring by Mr. Smith and Mr. Sanderson. They both seemed to be taking turns eyeballing her, alternating with every course. Being stared at wasn't something new for Trixie, given who she was, but the staring usually wasn't so intense.

Thankfully dinner was over now. Most people, including Mr. Smith, had retired to her father's study to talk about whatever business deal had gathered them here tonight to pay her any attention.

She thought it was time to retire to her bedroom and text Veronica about the most vaguely insulting thing Daddy's business partners had said tonight when she was approached by Sanderson.

"Ms. Tang."

"Mr. Sanderson."

He shook his head, "No need to add the mister. I prefer to go by Sanderson."

She did not give him leave to use the same informality with her.

They stared at each other for a moment and she studied him just as hard as he her.

He wasn't very tall for a man, only a bit taller than her. Perhaps average height, average build, but rather nice looking none the less. He looked like he could be in a company's recruiting commercial if he smiled a little more. His posture was excellent and his entire demeanor seemed to assert that he was well in control of his life and decisions. He probably worked late at the office every night and decorated his apartment with modern art pieces. Trixie idly wondered what she would have to do to draw a reaction out of him.

She almost started at that thought, this was neither the place nor the time to be imagining getting hot and heavy with her dad's business buddies. There was never really a time or place for that sort of thing. He didn't react to her visible jump at her thoughts.

"You seemed interested during dinner."

She giggled in faux embarrassment, "I'm not like, really into politics and stuff."

"You are the heiress to all your father's assets," He pointed out, ignoring the fact that Daddy would probably hand off all the complicated stuff to other people and put Trixie on a trust, "This will be valuable to you someday. Let's go for a walk." He turned on his heel and walked out the door.

Her jaw almost dropped, that was fucking rude. He stared at her all night, started a conversation, then just walks away expecting her to follow. She took off after him, surprisingly fast in her high heels.

When she caught up she fell into step beside him, "Any particular reason you're wandering around my house?"

"I needed to talk to you privately on behalf of my benefactors." He stopped once they were a decent ways away and turned to face her, "Ms. Tang."

Just what was he up to, acting so oddly? Trixie stared up at him and considered the fact that they were alone in the hallway. Maybe he was going to proposition her. She would not say no, "Yes, Sanderson?"

"What," His voice was even and completely monotone, "Is your involvement with genies?"

Genies? "Genies?"

"It's clearly genie magic you were involved in." His gray eyes watched her coolly, "No pixie would have left so much magical evidence afterwards, anti-fairies can't affect humans that strongly without a Friday the thirteenth, and you aren't registered to have fairies. Genies are the only magical creatures on the continent to leave behind such strong trace magic that we would notice."

"Magic?" She said dully, stepping away and regarding him with no small amount of shock, "Oh my god, you're crazy." Shit, why didn't Daddy listen to the security advisors and install panic buttons in every hallway.

"I," He looked thoughtful, "Am beginning to suspect you were unaware of just how much magic you are covered in. We thought you knew. It is very blatant."

"Um, magic isn't real," She pointed it out in the same 'duh' tone she would if it were Veronica saying something so patently ridiculous. It was probably a bad idea to goad this weirdo, but Trixie was full of bad ideas.

He stared at her like she was an idiot then took a phone out from his suit jacket. Who used flip phones anymore? He pressed a button and all of a sudden magic was looking a lot more realistic.

There was an electronic pinging noise and a large burst of odd smoke. It was strange, almost gritty and pixelated, but Trixie had little time to look at it before it cleared and she saw Sanderson again, except now he was a bit different.

He was the same height as Trixie now, but was a head above her thanks to the fact he was floating a foot off the ground. He was wearing what appeared to be a gray birthday hat that was also floating about an inch off of his head. He had square, vaguely insectoid wings.

Trixie backed away from him until she hit the wall, "Oh my god, what the fuck?"

"I'll take it that means you were completely unaware of magic," He squinted at her, "That does raise the question of just how you became completely saturated with it."

Trixie wasn't really paying attention because, oh my god, magic, oh my god! Magic was real! Her creepy teacher from the fourth grade was right! And apparently she was, like, apparently coated in magic? For some reason? How could that have happened? She had begun to hyperventilate.

There was only one logical answer. The guy who she banged at Chip's party who was obsessed with wishes, "Norm."

"Well that does make sense. He is the only active genie on the west coast." This statement seemed to explain quite a few things to Sanderson. It explained nothing to Trixie, "However, we have no reality altering wishes recorded for the past few weeks so that does raise the question of why you have so much of his magic on you."

"Oh god, I boned a genie." Her voice cracked and she pressed a hand against her forehead. Her ears were ringing. She was going to pass out. She hoped she would hit the carpet instead of the hardwood floors.

The look that Sanderson gave her was nothing short of genuine surprise, "You had sex with him."

"Well, yeah," Trixie shrugged in a hysterical 'what can you do' gesture, "He was way hot."

"That was," He made a face, "Not very professional of him. Well at least I can tell H.P. he's not doing something that will get in the way of Pixie Inc.'s bottom line."

"Professional?" She snorted. Sanderson was thinking about professionalism when she had apparently fucked a genie. A magical creature. Oh man, was that beastiality? Did it count it it was a mostly human looking being of phenomenal cosmic power? What even was magic in the context of human beings? Trixie looked up at him and had an idea, she lunged forward and grabbed his face.

He jerked backwards, horrified, "What are you doing?"

Bright sparks of energy shot through both her hands, "Oh. My. God!"

His hands encircled her wrists and he pulled them off of him, "This definitely is your first experience with magic." Once her hands were off of him he was back to a perfect monotone.

She looked at her hands and could still feel a dull buzz where he was touching her.

Sanderson released her wrists and stepped away from her. He appeared to have gotten everything he needed from the conversation and was ready to leave.

Trixie, however, wasn't ready for this conversation to end. She needed an explanation and in her experience there was one way to get one. She leaned forward and kissed him.

The reaction was immediate. "That was inappropriate." He grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back. His voice was stoic, but his face was blushing hot. How cute.

"Yeah, well so's walking away in the middle of a conversation." She felt tinglingly energized all over, like she had just drank a cup full of black coffee.

He tasted different than Norm. The electrical bright feeling she got when she kissed Norm left her almost drunk on it, but that could have also been the liquor. Kissing Sanderson made her head feel clear, all focused and crisp and sharp. It was a bit like taking adderall, all her nerves and mind on fire and working better than they ever had before. She felt like she could learn calculus and solve world hunger at the same time, everything fit precisely in place. It was this clarity that made her resolved.

He stared at her calculatingly, then acted. Hands held her shoulders firmly and pulled her to his chest, his mouth against hers. He kissed her methodically, tongue breaching her mouth and tangling with her's in a way that painstakingly deliberate. Every movement precise, like he was reading it from a manual.

It was clearly a very well written manual, but Trixie didn't like that by the book approach that much.

Trixie pushed back, fingers mussing through neatly styled black hair. She pressed a leg between his and could feel the bulge in the front of his pants.

"That's not," Fingers clenched on her shoulders so hard it hurt a little. He pulled away and looked sort of offended, "How pixies do things."

That was important knowledge to have, Trixie supposed, "Well, how do you guys do things then?"

He smirked with pride and straightened up, "I'm the vice president of Pixie Incorporated. We are the largest monetary power in the magical world and we didn't get that way by acting spontaneously."

To prove his point, he kissed her slowly, methodically. Instead of pushing forward Trixie decided to go with it. They could do it the pixie way if that made him happy enough to explain some things to her. Still, she couldn't resist kissing him back. They moved slowly and his hands slid down from her shoulders to her hands. They clasped. It was really quite sweet.

It was less sweet and romantic when a comfortably cool hand escaped hers and traced up her thigh to the crux of her legs under her dress. He palmed her through her lacey panties, picked thin enough that they would not give her panty lines. His middle finger ground against her precisely in a way that made her eyes flutter. When she looked at him he looked solemn, like he was going over an anatomy map in his head. She moaned breathily and and her knees nearly gave out. Every nerve in her body was lit up with awareness. Was he using magic on her? Had Norm been last week? It would explain how they both managed to make her so wet so fast.

"Oh god," She whimpered like a bitch. When he moved her panties to the side and slipped two fingers into her her legs did give out. She fell against his chest.

Smug amusement was rolling off Sanderson in waves as he drank in the little whimpers Trixie made. It was practically embarrassing on her part.

Face nuzzled against him, Trixie refused to be completely outdone. She began to press wet kisses to his neck, sucking lightly as she pulled back.

The groan he let out seemed to be just as much of a shock to him as the kisses had been. His fingers stilled and he looked down at her with an almost predatory look in his eyes. He rolled the pads of two fingers against the peak of her and the burst of magic made her mouth feel gritty as the pixelated smoke.

The orgasm was like a burst of enlightenment, and for a brief moment she could understand everything. She saw herself, skirt pushed up around her hips, choking on her own pleasure as the still immaculately dressed pixie glowed with a bright, artificial light. She could see the floor plan of her house and knew exactly where everyone was. The deals that people had been making during dinner were all clear to her, like they were her own. Even further she could see all of Dimmsdale, every single person from Veronica surfing the web to Chip in the studio to that Sanjay kid from her math class also surfing the web. The entire world was lit up and clear and then it went away.

She collapsed and Sanderson caught her with the hand that hadn't just been inside her.

"I think my point has been made." He stood still and smirking down at her, but she could feel his erection against her stomach. It was funny, standing on the ground he would have been level enough to enter her, but floating he could have rested his chin on her head.

It was hard to articulate through the post orgasm haze, but she nodded, looking up at him with a kind of awe that few ever see on the face of Trixie Tang, "Yeah, totally."

"Would you like me to do it again?" It didn't really have the inflection of a question, he knew she would say question was strictly a formality.

"Oh my god, yeah you should." The emptiness between her legs was going to swallow her up if he didn't get inside her right now.

"If you insist, Ms. Tang." He unbuckled his belt and pulled down his pants without even having to look. When his boxers came down they revealed a perfectly average length erection with pubic hair trimmed into a square. Or maybe with pixies it just grew that way, who could say?

He leaned her back against the wall and lifted her by her hips, then sunk his cock into the heat between her thighs without any preamble. Given that the average depth for the human vagina was around five inches he fit perfectly well. Any deficiency in his method were made up for in the clarity Trixie got in being penetrated while he worked magic against her. He began to thrust, sliding easily in the slick wetness left behind from his previous work. A hand between them pressed its thumb against her clit and she whimpered.

Trixie was oversensitive and over aware of everything going on around her. She was fairly certain she could hear Sanderson's heartbeat, hell, she could feel in. The plaster of the wall grated against her back right through her dress, of which she could feel each individual stitch. The man above her was breathing heavily but surprisingly silent otherwise, biting his lower lip to stay quiet. She was doing no such thing, head thrown back as she gasped and moaned obscenely. Trixie really hoped no one was going to come down this hallway or if they did they would at least be impressed by the show she put on. Her legs wrapped around his waist and tightened each time he rocked into her.

His pace was mechanical. Someone could keep time with the tempo of Sanderson's hips. His thumb moved in time with his bucking and it was a miracle the friction didn't start a fire. Other than the one it fanned in her, of course.

It was rather unfair that he was doing all the work and she was just standing there being fucked into the wall, even if he apparently prefered to be in control. Trixie slung her arms around his shoulders and pulled herself up, kissing him messily. She rocked her hips against his and she felt the exact moment they changed to double time, the pistoning of his hips. He groaned softly into her mouth.

His composure was slipping fast and he plunged into her, formerly neat hair a mess and tie loose. The noises he made weren't even close to loud but they a cacophony to her ears. His was glowing in a fluorescent light kind of way, magic pulsing off of him at each beat of his hips. The beat of his insect winds made him sound like a distressed bee.

Oversensitivity from her previous orgasm made Trixie fall over the metaphorical edge quickly. She clenched around around the organ inside of her and cried out, a sharp, "Oh!" then went loose limbed and limp.

He followed quickly after with a hissing breath and pulled out, sticky cum splattering against Trixie's inner thighs.

During his orgasm Trixie was given yet another bright flash of insight. She could see every inch of Dimmsdale stretched out for her like a topographical map. If someone asked her right then she could have given exact measurement to mountain ranges and abstract concept. Trixie could have measured a year. Magic was a physical thing.

As he leaned over her panting, Trixie took the opportunity to stand up. Her legs were shaky and now that she was coming down from her orgasmic high she really wanted to go wash off her thighs. If she pulled her skirt back down would she get jizz on it, because she wasn't sure if the dry-cleaners could fix it. If not she was sending him the bill.

Sanderson stood up and pulled up his pants, buckling them back. He managed to straighten his tie, but his hair was a salvageable mess, stuck with sweat to his forehead. He was panting like he had just run a marathon and he was flushed, but his poker face was back in place like they hadn't just fucked, "Ms. Tang."

"Sanderson," She pulled her dress back into place and hoped for the best.

They panted together and tried not to be awkward until Trixie asked a question.

"Earlier you were talking about Pixie Incs bottom line. Like, in regards to weird wishes. What did you mean by that?" She was curious, what exactly did Pixie Inc even do anyway?

Sanderson seemed about as relaxed as such a straight edge guy can get. Trixie imagined that if he was one to laugh he would have done so then. "Pixie Inc is the foremost magical corporation that involves itself in mortal affairs. We make investments in human businesses for the benefit of the magical races. Reality altering wishing can wreak havoc on the stock market. You should have seen what happened back when Bill Gates had fairies, businesses were blowing up overnight. I mean that literally."

"Well," She sighed, "I'm glad I didn't mess things up for the investment bankers."

He appeared to be holding back laughter again, "We are too."

They stood silently again. Trixie could not for the life of her remember what she had planned on asking while in her magic sex high.

He checked his giant ugly flip-phone again, "It appears I am missing a meeting."

"So what?" She raised an eyebrow and tried to fall back on the disinterested popular girl persona she wore so well.

"So I need to go," Sanderson shrugged apologetically, then pulled a business card from his pocket and held it out to her, "If you're ever in Pixie World, feel free to stop by."

It took a moment for his statement to register, "Wait, what?"

By the time the words were out of her mouth he had shoved the card into her hand and disappeared in another puff of odd pixelated smoke.

"Damn it!" Trixie coughed, waving her hand infront of her face in a half hearted attempt to clear the air. She hadn't gotten any decent answers from him, all she had to show for herself was a business card and an orgasm.

Taking a shower and considering things made Trixie Tang feel a lot better about her life.

She was lounging on her bed and sipping a herbal tea, scrolling through her facebook Newsfeed. She had her life under control.

Okay, she was still a little tingly from that weird magic shit that Sanderson had done, but she was sure that would fade like a hangover. It would be fine.

If not, she could try the number on the business card, not that she wanted to. The number looked fake, full of the weird star icon instead of numbers. Frankly, she didn't feel like dealing with some freaky magical dude who was cryptic and worked for her dad's company. She got enough of that at the the company Christmas party.

Magic.

Trixie wasn't an idiot, she knew for years magic wasn't real. There was no Tooth Fairy, no Santa Claus, no Easter Bunny. That was made up little kid stuff she hadn't believed in since elementary school. Early elementary school at that.

Except now some weirdo glittery bureaucrat came to her and told her she had hooked up with a genie and that he was a pixie. How was she supposed to approach a situation like that? With an open mind she supposed, since she had already approached it with open thighs.

She sighed. It would be okay, she could deal with it. She would go to Chip's next party and get some answers from Norm. She would figure out what to do once she had any clue about what was going on.

Until that happened, however, she would keep doing her thing. Shopping, hanging out, normal stuff. She had heard that Remy Buxaplenty was having a party next weekend because his parents were out of town. Maybe she would go to that.

She sipped her tea and smiled.

Everything was going to be totally fine.

* * *

Author's Note:

Guest: Thank you, that is honestly what this entire fanfiction's going to be about.

unknown20troper: Thanks, I try. I'm going to be honest right now and say this story's more about Trixie than Norm, but he's still the other protagonist. All your questions and more will be answered.

This is the revised edition a of fanfiction about Trixie Tang boinking her way through the magical world. Anything beyond weird sex is simply garnishing. Reviews are appreciated.


	3. Be Like The Cool Kids

Disclaimer: I still claim no ownership over the Fairly OddParents.

**Trigger Warning: Sexual content, Foul language, Mildly abusive but still consensual sex.**

Last time: Trixie is introduced to a world of magical wonder and also magical bureaucracy.

* * *

Be Like The Cool Kids

A proper high school party required three things to be a success.

The first and most obvious was a house without parents, authority figures like that tended to keep the real fun from staring.

The second was a two in one deal, alcohol and music. You couldn't have one without the other, it wasn't a party that way. If you just had music you might as well be at a concert. If you just have booze it was just acting like the stoner who your parents told you not to hang out with. It was the combination of drinks and songs that made it both fun and socially acceptable.

Finally you had to have the people who would be attending. People brought anything else you needed, from drugs to dates. The people who attended were what changed your party from some mathlete convention to what the whole school would be talking about on Monday morning. Without the people you were just some loser sitting alone in your room.

Remy Buxaplenty followed these rules to the letter and that was why he threw the best parties in all of Dimmsdale. Sure, part of the package meant spending time with Remy and his huge ego, but it was well worth it to experience the kind of parties that would put spring break in Miami to shame.

His parties were open to anyone who wanted to attend, but Trixie always got a personal text of invitation. While they weren't friends by any real stretch of the imagination, they both knew the importance of having the right people backing them, so the lavender girl was always a guest at the blonde boy's parties.

Tonight was no exception, Trixie and her friends showed up fashionable late to the party at 9 pm, the party having started at 8. The cast iron gate was already open and waiting when the rolled into the circular drive of the several story house. They parked on the front lawn, already crowded with cars.

When the stepped out of the car they only had to follow the flow of people up to the front door, flanked with high columns, and into the lavish mansion.

The decor was the kind of rich that was all about showing off. The wide entryway had an enormous crystal chandelier that absolutely none of the teenagers in attendance could appreciate. High school students filled the room, drinking and talking over the ridiculously loud pop music.

They fit in perfectly. Trixie wore short white shorts and a gauzy lavender crop top, hair pulled back with her traditional headband. Veronica had a pink miniskirt that showed of miles of tan legs and white v-neck t-shirt. Tad and Chad both had matching purple shirts and white pants, still wearing sunglasses indoors. The entire party was casual and so were they.

"Trixie, Veronica!" Tad had to shout to be heard over the music, "Me and Chad are going to get drinks, text to meet up?"

Trixie nodded and he left, heading off to the kitchen with Chad.

Trixie regarded Veronica, "Let's dance."

The pink clad girl agreed and they made their way into the living room, a large open room that had a sound system set up in it absolutely blaring Player by Britney Britney. They slipped into the crowd of grinding bodies. It was easy for the two of them to stick together, their popularity provided them a kind of respect at this party. People danced with them, yes, but they didn't dance on them. No body parts were groped unnessesarily and they weren't shoved around. This was their domain.

Trixie and Veronica had been the queens of the Dimmsdale public educational system for going on eleven years now and these were their subjects. People looked upon them and made sure to show respect. When Veronica grabbed a boy to dance with it didn't matter if he had a girlfriend. When Trixie winked whole sections of the dance floor swooned.

"Look, it's Remy! Hey!" Veronica waved enthusiastically to the blonde boy, who seems hesitant to remove himself from the arms of a buff latino man. He ended up just dragging the man with him.

"Veronica, Trixie." He was clinging to a extremely handsome twenty-something, "So glad you could make it."

It was understandable that he couldn't take his hands off of the older man, he was impossibly hot. He was tall and completely ripped, muscular to the degree of mild body builder. His shiny black hair was slicked back in a ponytail and his goatee was neatly trimmed. His abs were clearly defined through his white shirt and judging by his tight black pants he certainly wasn't skipping leg day at the gym. His face was exceedingly friendly with a large bright smile and positively striking blue eyes.

The glorious looking man had an arm around Remy. The blonde boy had an arm around his waist and was giving both Trixie and Veronica a territorial look.

Remy wasn't unattractive, with his pale blonde hair and ski-slope nose he was cute in a sort of girly way. He wasn't nearly as godly looking as his apparent boyfriend, but the only other person at the party anywhere near that level was probably Trixie.

"Wouldn't miss it for anything," Trixie gave him a flirty, teasing smile, "And whose your friend?"

Before Remy could introduce him the man spoke, "I am Juandissimo Magnifico," His his voice was deep and his accent was so thick you could cut it with a saw. The tone in which he introduced himself seemed to imply he was the best thing before, after, and including sliced bread, "And you must be the beautiful Trixie Tang."

"I am, it's nice to meet you, Juandissimo," She giggled slightly and looked at him through low, flirtatious eyelids. Sure, he was pompous, but looking the way he did it was understandable. There was something weird about him, though.

"It's always a pleasure to meet a lovely lady such as yourself, Trixie," The smile he gave her was roguish, then he grabbed her and and kissed it.

The blot of electricity that shot up her arm when his lips touched her hand almost knocked her flat. It wasn't that it was particularly powerful, just that she'd spent the last two week having the same sensation fucked into her. She recognized it was magic. The feeling was too brief to be properly categorized, but it was clearly the same bright magical energy that she had felt from both Norm and Sanderson. The hair on the back of her neck stood up and when he released her hand it was all she could do not to gape.

Trixie couldn't even speak as he introduced himself to Veronica and Remy gave them both murderous looks. She excused herself by claiming she needed to go find where the boys had run off too, but in reality she just dearly needed a drink.

The fact that Remy Buxaplenty was apparently dating some magic casanova was confusing and frankly Trixie wanted no part in it. She wanted tonight to be nice and normal, a good time before she went to Chips party and forced some information out of Norm about just what was going on. Any flirting with Mr. Magic Adonis would only complicate things more.

For a moment Trixie wondered if Veronica would try and make a move on the sexy magician, but shook her head. Remy had been all over him and would probably be willing to fight Veronica over him.

Right now all Trixie needed to be concerned about was getting a drink.

The kitchen was not overly crowded, but the line for the keg was longer than Trixie was willing to wait to deaden her nerves. She leaned against the countertop and sighed, flipping her hair. Those were the metaphorical magic words.

"Trixie!"

"Here, have my drink."

"No, have mine!"

"No, mine!"

"Have my babies!"

"Have my girlfriend's drink!"

Boys converged on her, holding out red plastic cups full of beer in offering. They all had that desperate, eager to please smile of teenage boys who had no clue how to actually flirt. They just knew that Trixie Tang was beautiful and they would kill for a second of her attention.

She smiled, pleased and kittenish, and took the glass closest to her from the boy closest to her. Sipping it, she found the beer good enough to notice him, "Thanks, Timmy."

"It's Timmy," His correction was automatic, but then he gaped in shock, "You got my name right!"

"We have been going to school together since, like, kindergarten." Sure, she hadn't bothered to learn his name for most of that time, but if he was going to be unappreciative of her generous acknowledgement of his existence, she could certainly find someone who would be.

"I know, it's just you never get my name right!" He looked so genuinely flabbergasted, "You know my name! Wow!"

She would have been more offended if he didn't look positively starstruck at the idea that she would deign to recognize a lesser mortal like him. He was actually kind of cute, in a wide eyed youth kind of way.

Timmy Turner was blushing the same color as his stupid pink hat. He was tall and lanky and much older now, but it was plain as the buck teeth on his face that he was still nursing the same burning crush on her that he had in the fourth grade. He brushed his shaggy brown hair from his face and grinned, "Wow."

"Wow." She replied airily.

He seemed to realize he had been talking to himself for awhile now, "So, um, how are you liking the party?"

"Oh, it's fantastic," No need to bad talk Remy's party, even if he invited a magical flirt, "Especially now that I have a drink."

"Glad I could help," Timmy sipped his own drink and grinned. He looked so pleased with himself, it was sort of cute.

Trixie had to resist the desire to grimace at the taste of her drink. It was the same cheap stuff that was always at high school parties. It tasted like pee, but booze was booze.

"Timmy?" A high, slightly nasally voice called out.

Tootie stood in the doorway, escorted by a boy who could have been Timmy's cooler double, frowning at them. She marched over to Timmy and clearly knew her boyfriend had been trying to flirt with Trixie, "I thought you were getting us drinks?"

"I was!" He was scrambling for an explanation, "I just, um, I mean."

The ponytailed girl had every right to be upset with him. She may have aged well, switching to a single ponytail over the childish two and getting her braces removed, but that couldn't change the facts of life. If she and Trixie were competing for the same boy, high school rules meant Trixie would win. It wasn't fair, but it was the way things were.

"Aw, Tim-tam here was just trying to help a lady in need to a drink." The cool kid grinned at Tootie and she faltered.

The boy had almost the exact same face as Timmy, except for the fact that he looked far more amused with the situation than Timmy did. His hair was black and styled back in a mimicry of Fonzie's. With skinny jeans and a red leather jacket he looked like a greaser time traveled to the 2000's. Sunglasses indoors completed the look and he was looking over them at the gathering of teens.

Tootie turned to face him, "You're the one who said he was in here flirting with some girl."

"And now I realize I was wrong." He shrugged in a 'what can you do?' gesture.

Timmy shot the boy a look and nodded, "Yeah, I was just trying to help."

The silence as she looked at Timmy then and Trixie, who had been watching the argument with soap opera interest, was deafening. Finally she sighed, then smiled, "Okay, that is pretty nice of you, but you said you'd dance with me."

"And I will," His voice was hurried, but he was glaring at the cool boy.

"Well, you kids have fun," The greaser grinned in a mean sort of way, "I'll take care of things here."

With that, Tootie dragged Timmy off by the arm. The cool kid slid up next to Trixie as they left. Trixie simply stood there and enjoyed her drink, being a point of contention in other people's relationships wasn't anything new.

"Soooo." She dragged out the word, eyeing the black haired boy.

"Soooo." He mimicked her teasingly.

Trixie set down her now empty cup, "I haven't seen you around here before."

"The name's Gary." His smile was rogish and the eyes looking over his sunglasses were a very pretty shade of blue, "And you?"

Normally she would have been a little annoyed that he didn't know her name, but he was cool. Cool in both the literal cold sense emotionally and cool popularity wise. He looked like he could be fun for the night, "I'm Trixie Tang."

"So, Tang," Gary pronounced her name like it tasted, dare she say it, tangy, "Do you usually spend your nights breaking up couples?"

"Only the fun ones," Her voice light and airy, "Do you usually spend your's causing break ups?"

He laughed and shrugged, "Only when it's easy."

"Oh, what, you think they're, like, totally doomed?" She raised an eyebrow, giggling.

"Completely," He agreed, leaning against the wall next to her, "Turner couldn't keep a girl happy if his life depended on it."

"And you're saying you could," She bet he could, the cold asshole approach did work on a lot of people.

He seemed to take offense to that and for a split second, she apparently hit a nerve l. It didn't last and almost immediately Gary's face went calm, "Trust me, babe, I'm basically the best."

She stared at him for a moment, "Well if you're sure about that."

"I am," He was back to being charmingly cool, "But I gotta go, I'll see you later, Tang." He winked, then walked off and Trixie found herself attracted to him.

Appropriately intoxicated and with no one to entertain her any longer she left the kitchen.

It was easy to get lost in a mansion. Trixie used to get lost in her own when she was little, getting stranded in a guest room and having to call her father's cellphone on the home line for him to come find her. The Buxaplenty mansion was roughly the same size as her own and in her attempt to find something more interesting than teenage hormones she found herself in a hallway she'd never seen before.

She was about to give up and try and call a search party when she quite literally stumbled across someone.

"Shit!" Trixie squeaked loudly as she face planted directly into the floor.

"Shhh!" Ivette Ubetcha was kneeling on the ground, ear pressed against a door. She glared at Trixie, finger pressed to her lips in a shushing motion.

Trixie grimaced, but obeyed. Without actually saying anything she mouthed, "What are you doing?"

Ivette motioned for Trixie to join her in listening to the door.

On her hands and knees Trixie crawled to sit next to the school gossip. Normally she would just wait for whatever she was listening to to work its way through the grapevine, with Ivette that wouldn't take long, but the temptation was too strong to ignore. Leaning her head against the door, Trixie listened.

"But why? I thought you loved me!" That was Remy and from the sound of it he was near tears.

Trixie and Ivette exchanged the look of 'drama' that only teenage girls could.

"Remy, please, it is not that I do not love you! You are my godchild!" It was the incredibly handsome guy, Juandissimo!

"It's just that you love him more than me!" Remy sounded unbelievably hurt, to the point of melodrama.

"No, no, it is a different kind of love!" The man was clearly trying to explain to Remy, but Remy wasn't having it.

"No it isn't!" His voice was high and upset.

Juandissimo huffed, "Yes it is! I love you as my godchild, I am

with Cupid!"

"You promised you would always love me and now you're leaving me for someone else!" And the tears had clearly started again

"What you are asking, it is not how things are done, it is against the rules, Remy!" Juandissimo actually sounded a little upset now, trying to make Remy see reason.

Then there were no words, just muffled noises. Ivette was staring at the door as if trying to turn it transparent by will alone and Trixie had stopped breathing in an effort to hear better.

There was the wet smacking noise of a kiss breaking and Remy yelling.

"We could be in love, too, Juandissimo!"

"No we cannot, it is wrong and forbidden." The older man said it with finality.

"I wish it wasn't!" Remy voice cracked.

"That is a wish I cannot grant."

When the door swung open it mercifully pushed both Trixie and Ivette to the same side behind it, hiding them from view. Not that it mattered much, when Remy stormed out of the room he wasn't looking for eavesdroppers. He ran down the hallway in the opposite direction from where Trixie had come from, leaving Juandissimo calling out behind him.

Trixie and Ivette took off down the way Trixie had come, eventually managing to make their way back to the semi crowded from entry.

Ivette grabbed Trixie's shoulders and yanked her to face her, "Did you hear that?!"

Trixie nodded, eyes wide, "Ohmigod, yes!"

Forbidden, unrequited love! How tragic, it was just like one of Trixie's soap operas! Poor Remy, his true love was a weird magic lothario! It was all very dramatic.

Ivette was grinning like a mad woman. The daughter of a T.V. anchorman, she fed on gossip. What gossip was better than the rich Remy Buxaplenty having a scandalous affair with his godfather? The answer was nothing.

"Trixie, I got to go find out if anyone knows anything else about this." The curly haired girl was in her element, "I'll totally text you about it later!"

Trixie knew that Ivette would probably be texting everyone on her contact list about it, but she said nothing but goodbye as the girl ran away into the crowd.

When she slipped back into the living room and onto the dance floor it was packed. She couldn't see Veronica and the people only parted enough to give her the ability to dance. She twirled and shook her way through two songs before a boy actually worked up the courage to dance with her.

It was Gary.

They danced close, pressed together by the thrumming mass of bodies that was the dance floor. Hips ground against hers, hands at her waist, he was good at moving to the beat of the music. There wasn't enough room for any real dance moves, honestly it was just simulated sex on the dance floor. It came to no real surprise on either of their parts when he kissed her, leaning down and holding the back of her head. They were hardly the only couple to be blatantly making out in front of everyone.

The public frenching continued, tongues twisting and hands groping until Gary attempted to slip a hand up Trixie's shirt.

Trixie grabbed his wrist and shook her head, "Not in public."

He gave her a lascivious look and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, "Then lets get out of here."

So they do, still wrapped in each other they manage to fight their way out of the crowd and into a deserted hallway, then finally into an unused bedroom.

He had her pinned on the bed before she can even blink, tangling fingers in her long hair. The other hand moves under her shirt, groping her breasts.

He tasted like cheap beer, sour in a way that was only a little unpleasant. The act of kissing itself was fantastic, he was a good kisser. Their tongues met they twisted it wasn't too hard or too soft, the perfect frenching of someone who knew what they were doing. His lips molded to hers, fitting together like puzzle pieces. When he caught her lower lip in his teeth it was a little too rough for her taste, but still undeniably sexy. His hand went under her shirt and then her bra quickly, palming her breasts. He was so warm over top of her, fingers burning hot on hard nipples.

Best of all when the touched Trixie didn't feel those lightning bright bursts of energy that identified magic. He was just some cool kid who wanted to have a proper party hook-up.

Speaking of hook up, he leans off of her, pulling her into sitting position and smirking down at her, "What, Tang, you going to make me do all the work?"

"Maybe." She teases, then kisses him, tasting her own lipgloss on him. One hand held the back of his neck and the other moves to to squeeze him through his pants.

Gary groans into her mouth, then begins to push her head down.

She pulls back for a moment and blinks at him. That was possibly the least subtle way a guy had ever asked for a blowjob without just coming out and asking for one. The staring contest between them lasted all of ten seconds before she rolled her eyes. She just couldn't back from a cool guy's challenge, "Hope you have a condom."

"Yeah, yeah," He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the wrapped condom.

Trixie slid off the bed and got on her knees in front of him. At least the carpet was soft, no need to get achy knees from this. She unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants, tugging them down and he opened the wrapper. It's not like she minded giving head, she mused as she pulled his briefs down and his erection positively sprung out. It's just that guys almost never paid her back for it.

He was bigger than average, though not by much, and his cocky attitude was explained by his endowment. Trixie fumbled with the condom for a moment before getting it on him, it was usually guys who did that part. She was more well acquainted with the actual act of giving head and got to work by dragging her tongue in a long stripe up him. He let out a pleased noise and leaned back, staring at the ceiling. Warm hands pumped him as she took him into her mouth slowly, no need to rush these things. The last thing Trixie wanted to do was gag.

Gary moaned as she began to bob up and down, swirling her tongue around the tip every time she met it. She began to pick up speed and it was actually pretty fun, if only for the way his cool facade broke when he looked down at her. Gary's hips twitched towards her mouth and it didn't matter much that her jaw got sore rather fast. Even though it was dark in the room Trixie could see his cheeks were positively pink.

She worked like that, head bobbing in his lap as she sucked and he groaned, gripping the bedspread. His breath was fast as he watched her, blue eyes meet blue eyes. The latex taste of the condom was off putting, but the way hips bucked into her mouth was desperate and wonderful. Even if it did hurt her throat a little.

It was a shock to her when the bedroom door opened.

Trixie jerked back, coughing and turning to see Timmy Turner staring at her in disbelief.

"Oh my god!" His voice was high and shocked.

Before she could cut in to say something along the lines of 'get the fuck out' Gary laughed, "What, Turner, can't you see we're a little busy in here." The way he pronounced busy was overtly sexual and made the whole thing even worse.

Timmy was equal parts blushing and angry, "Get your hands off of her!"

The black haired boy grinned, "Not really using my hands here."

"That's," Timmy looked like the part of his mind that pedestalized Trixie and the part that hated Gary were at war, "You're evil and taking advantage of her or something!"

"What's the problem, Tim-Tam," Gary looked mean, eyes dark and tone mocking, "Upset that your precious Trixie's willing to get on her knees and suck the dick of someone who's cool, unlike you?"

Trixie was sitting there just about dying from embarrassment, but that was simply too much. They were talking about her like she wasn't even there or something. She sunk her manicured fingernails into his thigh.

"Ow, fuck!" He yelled and jumped up, away from her. When she pulled her hand back her nails had blood on them.

She stood up on wobbly legs, slightly sore from maintaining her position for so long, "No, fuck you! You should feel lucky I was willing to do that, you asshole!"

She turned on her heel, flipped him off and marched out of the room, head held high.

Immediately once she was out of sight, she took off. She could just about die from embarrassment. It wasn't the first time someone had ever walked in on her like that, but those reactions were bizarre. The way he was talking it was like Gary was getting off more on the thought of Timmy's envy then the thought of Trixie.

She slowed down and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand, it tasted like spermicidal jelly and rubber from the condom. Everything was gross and tonight was awful.

Trixie walked slowly now, through long hallways and into the front entry. It was late by this point and she passed some people simply passed out on the floor or on couches. She decided, tired, that she would go to the car and text everyone that it was time to go home, this party was winding down, when she found Remy sitting on the front steps to the mansion.

The blonde looked rough. His white jacket had been lost sometime during the night and his shirt was untucked. Normally coiffed blonde hair was messy and his green eyes were downcast and red rimmed. He'd clearly been crying.

At least someone had had a worse night than her.

For a moment she was moved by pity and, unsure what to do, she sat down beside him, "Boy trouble?" It was a stupid way to break the ice, but she didn't feel very witty at the moment.

He glared at her, straightening up with all the self righteous superiority he could muster, then deflated, "No."

"You sure?" She didn't look at him, she just stared at the light polluted sky.

"I told the person I loved that I loved him and he told me his thinks of me as his kid," He glared at the night and she did chance to look at him. He wasn't crying right then, so that was good.

"That totally sucks," Because it did.

"It does! He's been my g-" He caught himself halfway through a word, "My friend for six year and he's told me he loves me practically every day of them and now he's dating some narcissistic asshole and never even comes to see me anymore."

"What a douchebag."

"He is," Remy nodded, "And worst of all he won't even give me a chance. Apparently its against the rules." He says the rules like they personally wronged him.

"The jailbait problem," She knew it well.

"No it's," He looked at her like he just realized who he was confessing this to, "God, you wouldn't understand. Go away."

His words were sharp and Trixie could tell she needed to heed them. With a sigh she got up and walked away, off to the cars.

Trixie suspected Remy's weird rule had something to do with the fact that his crush was a magical weirdo. However, she didn't really care. Trixie had her own magical problem. She straightened her back and lifted her chin. Even if Remy was going to cope with his problems by sulking, she wouldn't. She was going to handle this.

With that, she was resolved. Trixie was going to go to Chip's house, screw waiting for his next party, find Norm, and get answers. Her life was officially on hold until then, clearly her nerves were keeping her from making good decisions about boys. Because fuck Gary, but not literally.

Yes, Trixie was totally going to handle things, even if no one else would.

* * *

Author's Note:

Guest: A lot of guys are going to dominate Trixie, it is simply that kind of fic. Thank you!

unknown20troper: The pixies were so hard to write so I'm glad you liked them! Thanks, once magic enters the bedroom it's pretty safe to say things are going to get weird. Sorry for another Norm-free chapter, but if it helps the next one will be absolutely full of him. There will be character development and also the mechanics of sex with someone who is literally made of smoke below the waist will be explored!

Stay tuned for more weird magic sex! Please read and review to tell me what you think and what else you'd like to see!


	4. Friend Like Me

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over the Fairly OddParents franchise.

**Trigger Warning: Sexual Content, foul language, underage relationships**

Last time: Bad choices happened at a wild teen party.

* * *

A Friend Like Me

It felt weird to show up to a party alone.

Other people did it, sure, but Trixie Tang could not remember ever attending a party without at least one other person with her. From group dates with all her friends to girl's nights with Veronica to dates with whoever she was dating at the moment she had always had some sort of co-partier. Someone who she could dance with and drink with and know they'd back her up is things got uncomfortable. If nothing else they would give her an easy out, if she wanted to escape a conversation all she had to do was claim she needed to go find them.

She knew it was going to be a weird party even before she decided to go alone. Most parties didn't involve attempting to interrogate someone who apparently had magical powers. That plan was actually why she intended to go alone. Trixie didn't want to drag she friends into the mess she was in. That would be totally embarrassing.

During the drive over she already felt on edge. With no one to talk to she alternated between checking up on her makeup in the mirror, ensuring the neat wings of her eyeliner didn't smear, and keeping the fluffy skirt of her red dress from wrinkling as she fidgeted nervously. She didn't even really like red, but it was a power color and she needed all the help she could get.

When she arrived at the Skylark Penthouse the party was already in full swing. People were dancing and drinking and it was a wonder anything could be heard over the blaring music of the DJ. A tabloid reporter would have a field day with the partying stars. Halves of various power couples were making out with people who weren't their other half. Chet Ubetcha was snorting cocaine off of a mirror in the middle of the room. Half the girls in the room looked younger than even Trixie and like they were paid to be there. The entire party reeked of Hollywood scandal waiting to happen.

It was almost a relief that no one came over to greet her. Her stomach still twisted at the sting of being ignored, but it was better that she didn't do something stupid and ruin her chance of doing what she came here for.

Trixie circled the room casually, exchanging greetings with the few celebrities that actually knew her name. Through the floor to ceiling windows she could see Chip making out with Britney Britney on the balcony. Even if she hated them, Trixie could concede they made a cute couple.

Unable to spot Norm on the first walk through, she approached the bar.

"Can I get you anything, sweetie?" The woman behind the bar was wearing a vest without a shirt under it and was extremely friendly.

"Can I have a lemon drop?" At least some lemony vodka was sooth Trixie's nerves.

It was served to her in a martini glass with a wink from the bartender.

Sipping her sugary drink, Trixie scanned the room for any sign on Norm. If the night was a bust not only would she have to go home without answers, but she was also pretty sure she would never be able to watch a Sylvester Calzone movie without thinking about him fondling a hooker.

Just when she was about to order another drink, however, an arm slipped around her waist, "Look who we have here."

"Norm!"

"You guessed it." There stood Norm, leaning on the bar next to her and grinning at her cheerfully. This time his suit jacket was the same red as her dress. The arm around her was giving her the same sparkling feeling as it did last time, possibly even more so. Pretty purple eyes gazed into hers over his sunglasses and her head went swimmy, "Trixie."

Pulling away from the contact, Trixie stared up at him, "I need to talk to you."

"Well, here we are." He motioned between them, "Talking."

"No," She shook her head, long black hair swishing, "Like, somewhere private."

"Oooh," The look Norm gave her was lecherous, if for no other reason than he was tall enough to see down the front of her dress, "Let's go talk, then."

He used the arm still around Trixie waist to guide her out of the room and into the hallway. As they once again entered Chip's bedroom Trixie tried to figure out how to casually accuse someone of being magic.

The door was only just closed when Norm spun her around and pressed her to it. It was dark but his eyes were glowing, it was impossible to look away. Norm's hot breath blew against the shell of her ear when he spoke, "So, you wanted to talk."

Being in such close proximity to the man was thigh clenchingly distracting, but it was now or never,

"LasttimewedidityousaidyougrantedmywishandthenIhookedupwithaguynamedSandersonwhosaidIwascoveredinmagicandsaiditwasyourfaultsowhatareyou?" She said it in one breath that left her gasping.

For a moment he just looked at her through his glasses and she was terrified she was wrong and now he would tell everyone she was crazy. Then he just sighed, "When you said you wanted to talk I thought you meant talk as, you know, a euphemism."

"Like, maybe later?" Trixie leaned against the door, trying to get away from the intoxicating magic, "The whole accidental magical deal thing is, like, a little more important."

"This isn't really the place to talk about that." They could hear the party through the wall.

She rolled her eyes, "You're magic, can't you just, like, teleport us somewhere that is?"

"Fine, if you insist."

Norm wrapped an arm around Trixie and pulled her to his chest. With his free hand he snapped his fingers and they disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Teleporting was a lot like falling. It felt like that moment when you're half asleep in bed at night and feel like you're falling, jolting awake. Trixie would have screamed if she was able to breathe through the cloud of teal smoke.

Norm let go of her and moved back, gesturing around them, "Welcome to my humble abode."

The best description of the room they were in was "jazz lounge from the seventies". The entire room was cast in a purple glow, creating long shadows. Dominating side corner was a bar that displayed all the liquor a girl could dream of. In the other a half circle couch sat on a raised platform covered in lavender shag carpet. The walls were clear glass with glowing purple shapes inside that swirled slowly.

"So, what do you think?"

"Ohmigod," Trixie's jaw dropped and she pointed at Norm, "Your legs are, like, gone."

Norm, like their surroundings, had changed drastically. Most notably that he had no legs. Everything from the waist down had been replaced by a waving tail of smoke that curled up at the end. Along with the most notable change, his suit jacket had been replaced by a red vest. He wore gold bracelets up both arms and a gold fez, "Really, I never noticed."

Trixie simply couldn't stop staring. Sure she saw Sanderson do that weird transformation, something that caused a crisis in her understanding of reality, but even if Sanderson gained wings he still made sense as far as bodies went. Norm was no longer in possession of a lower body.

Norm watched the stunned girl watch him for a moment, then rolled his eyes. Realizing she was not going to be able to function at the rate things were going, he whipped out his tail and caught her around the ankle. With a quick tug he tripped her backwards onto the couch.

Trixie squeaked loudly when she landed on the couch, "Ohmigod!"

"Now, you've said that a couple of times," Norm sat down next to her and propped his tail up on a footstool he poofed into existence, "But I'm pretty sure that's not what you meant when you said talking."

"You literally don't have legs," She made a face and held her palms up in a 'what the hell' gesture, "How does that even work?"

"I'm one hundred percent magic, sweetie," He laughed and shrugged, looking over his shades, "That's just the, ahem, most obvious pa-!"

His sentence was cut off by a choking noise as Trixie pressed a perfectly manicured hand right into his tail directly where his crotch would be.

Her hand sunk in a bit, the smoky tail was odd, neither solid nor gas. It felt thick and dense, the way fog looks like it should. Her hand couldn't go deep before to tail was too solid, but semi translucent fog floated up through her fingers. It was like playing with a smoke machine.

Norm's teal tail was apparently comprised entirely of magic, to the point that Trixie's hand immediately felt like it was on fire. The sensation traveled up her arm and spread to her through entire body.

The magic was as bright and all consuming as the pixie magic had been; once more Trixie could sense the entire world. Every cell in her body was aware of every atom in the universe, except this time she couldn't understand what they all meant. Confusing flashes of life shot through her mind. Veronica, dressed like Trixie and screaming at a computer. Chip, holding a lava lamp and staring in wonder. Other people she didn't recognize, a girl with hair covering one eye running from snakes. Worlds she couldn't understand, strange squid creatures cowering away from pastel bunny things. It was like being consumed and Trixie could make neither heads nor tails of it.

She was brought back to reality when Norm grabbed her wrist and wretched it high above her head and away from him, "Awfully handsy aren't we?"

Trixie sank into the couch, wrist still caught in his grip. She was blushing hard and felt like her bones had turned to jello. Trixie was struck with the surety that she was so far over her head that she might drown. Her reply was stuttered, "Y-You started it."

"If you asked first I could have, I don't know, turned down the magic a little so you don't have an actual aneurysm." He released her and crossed his arms. Norm clearly hadn't intended on almost sending the girl into shock.

"Or you could have, I don't know, like, not done something totally freaky then act like it was totally normal." She curled in on herself on the couch and pouted.

They sat in silence on the couch, eyeing each other through heavy mascara and dark sunglasses. Norm had a better poker face than Trixie, all her popular high schooler boredom was nothing in the face of his fifty thousand years of life experience. She was the one who eventually broke the silence.

"What's even happening?" That was the question that had been plaguing Trixie's life for like a month, so she asked it first.

"Well," Norm motioned to the two of them, "We're sitting on a couch."

Trixie rolled her eyes, "That is totally not what I mean. What's with the whole genie thing?"

"That's my whole shtick," He spread his hands in front of himself and the words 'Norm the Genie' lit up in neon between his palms, "I'm a genie, trapped in a lamp until some idiot human rubs it, at which point I have to grant them three rule free wishes, only to get sucked back into the lamp. Trapped again until some other idiot comes and repeats the cycle." The glowing letter he held faded.

"You said you granted my wish and I didn't rub any lamps." Trixie pointed out and raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, just because you didn't rub my lamp in the literal sense," He smirked and looked pointedly at her over his shades.

She blushed, but couldn't hold back a laugh. However, that raised another question, "Like, what did you even do when you granted my wish?"

Instead of answering directly Norm snapped his fingers. A flat screen TV poofed into existence in front of them and Trixie's flushed face was displayed on it. She was lying on Chip's bed, face held in Norm's hands. They were both naked.

TV Trixie opened her mouth, "_I wish I could do this kind of thing more often?_"

Norm snapped his fingers again and the screen paused, "I gave you what you asked for."

"That's the vaguest and the dumbest thing I've ever heard." Trixie squinted her eyes at him.

"I did," To make a point he played it again.

"_I wish I could do this kind of thing more often?_"

"You wanted to do that more often," He pointed at the video then gestured vaguely around them, "I gave you the opportunity for all the magical hook-ups you could ever want."

Trixie stared at him, face twisted up as if to say, 'what the fuck' without actually saying it.

"I mean," He continued without even looking at her unimpressed face, "You have to go and actually take the chance yourself, but I made it so you'll keep ending up at the right place at the right time."

"Ohmigod," Trixie pressed her hands to her face, not even careful of her makeup, "I guess totally that explains Sanderson."

"That it would," Norm watched Trixie's frustration with amusement, "Is he as much of a tightass as he acts?"

"Kind of," She answered without thinking about it, "And that Juandissimo guy from Remy's party."

"You fucked a fairy?" The way he said it seemed more surprised she had done it already than at the fact she had done it at all.

Trixie rolled her eyes, "No, I was trying not make out with anyone when I was, like, already questioning my grip of reality."

She declined to mention the fact she gave a douche bag named Gary a blow job that same night.

"And I'm the dumb one," Norm scoffed, "Who gives up the chance to get laid?"

"Someone whose last two hook ups were with total cryptic apparently magical weirdos."

Their staring contest recommenced, but Trixie was not so easy to defeat this time. She reached up and plucked his sunglasses right off his face.

Big purple eyes blinked at Trixie, surprised. Norm reached forward and snagged her wrist before she could put his glasses somewhere off to the side, "It's not our fault you're so cute when you're annoyed."

"I'm cute all the time." Because she was, obviously.

"Obviously," Norm pressed his warm lips against hers.

He crackled with energy and even though her eyes were closed Trixie felt like she could see. Where Norm's hands trailed across it burned like it should be leaving marks. Not purely because of the magic either, his hands were firm and strong against her. One cupped one of her breasts and the other slipped up her skirt to grope her ass through her panties.

Norm really was a great kisser. His lips were warm and his tongue twined with hers without being ridiculously dominating. He tasted of some rich drink that Trixie couldn't name, but sent a heady rush through her.

One question remained, however.

Trixie pulled back and stared at his smoky tail, "How would we even do it? Like, how do genies even have sex?" That was probably not the most delicate way to phrase the question, but it was a serious matter.

For a beat Norm just stared at her, opened his mouth then closed it. He shook his head, "Trixie."

"What?" She huffed, "It's, like, a serious question."

"Do you want to find out?" He laughed.

"Obviously," Rolling eyes wasn't the most seductive face she could make, but that was a stupid question.

Norm reached down and ran his fingertips over her panties; she was noticeably wet, "Obviously."

This time when the fog tails touched her it didn't burn nearly so much. She broke out in goose bump and as it wrapped around her waist, pressed up between her thighs, then twisted around her legs. It felt weird in a bondage kind of way, but mostly made her moan. Trixie couldn't be sure how much her sensitivity to touch was magic and how much was the fact that glowing and strange as he was Norm was unbelievably sexy.

This time she kissed him with lips flavored with lemon and vodka. She put up a good attempt at taking control when she tugged his vest open. He just shrugged it off and got work tugging her dress off.

"No bra again," Norm noted with a tsk, "I'm starting to notice a pattern here."

Trixie opened her mouth to make a snarky comeback but her shut her up with a French kiss. Losing no time, he cupped her breasts in his hands and rubbed them, thumbing her sharp nipples. Her moans were muffled by their tongues, but even that couldn't quiet the high pitched noise she made when her panties were pulled down by Norm's tail.

Her girly squeal was apparently so surprising Norm broke the kiss, looking down at her, "You sure you can handle it? Don't want to send you into shock again?"

Rolling her eyes was becoming Trixie's only response to his ridiculousness, even if she was blushing so hard her face matched her dress. Where ever her dress had ended up. "Um, yeah, duh."

Norm smirked, "Well, if you insist."

When his tail pushed inside of her, Trixie was pretty sure she temporarily blacked. The electric hot feeling of magic coursing up through her was overwhelming and once more she was overcome by visions of people and places. Only this time it was a lot more sexual. Juandissimo fucking some pretty guy with pink hair. Timmy Turner and Tootie groping each other in the back of a car. A pink and green haired couple in wedding clothes absolutely making out.

It was the pleasure that she was feeling that brought her back down to earth. Norm's tail was doing the same twisting, flicking motion it had outside her body and wow it felt really good. Trixie threw her head back and moaned, arching her back. She didn't even realize she had dug her nails into Norm's back until his hands reached back to grab hers and pin them over her head.

"Feisty, aren't we?" His sarcastic laughter was made less cutting by the low groan that accompanied it.

The only reply Trixie could manage was a high pitched, "Yes!"

He moved in a way that a dick simply couldn't. His tail curled inside her in a way that seemed to grind against everything good in the world. Trixie had heard the g-spot was a myth, but apparently no one told her vagina that.

Norm was obviously enjoying at much as he did normal sex. His movements were full body, hips rocking as he thrusted into her, the rest of his tail still curling around and between her legs. His hair hung messy around his face, which was lit up with a smile. It was also lit up literally by his eyes, which were glowing purple.

Every nerve ending in Trixie's body was on fire and incomprehensible. She was aware of every movement and second, but couldn't quite understand it all. If she was actually able to take in everything shock of pleasure she felt she could probably explain the meaning of life. Assuming she could stop gasping "Yes!" for long enough to speak in full sentences.

The meeting of their lips was messy and passionate. Bright red lipstick was long smeared across both their mouths. Their tongues twisted as much as the glowing tail Norm was currently fucking her with.

Trixie broke the kiss to take in gasping, shuddery breaths. The sensations were too much combined with the way he ground against her clitoris. She was sure that if la petite mort could involve actually dying from pleasure that was her future.

Trixie did not actually die when she finally came, though she did throw her head back so hard it was a wonder she didn't get whiplash. It was a wailing orgasm and it was good thing they left the party.

When she clenched around him, it was enough to push Norm over the edge. He came with a low, hot swear. For a moment the obscene amount of magic in the air actually increased and if Trixie wasn't already in the throes of her own orgasm the overstimulation probably would have knocked her unconscious at the least.

It took some time for them to each come down from their respective sex highs. Norm pulled out of her, but remained tangled up with the girl. Cuddling wasn't really his deal, but it was the nice thing to do.

Trixie, too, remained curled up against him. Her face leaned against his chest and she was simply too sexed out to pull away.

They stayed like that for awhile until Norm broke the silence, "I hope that was a good enough demonstration."

Trixie sat up, though she didn't try to kick tail off from where it lightly curled around her leg, "I might need another one later."

"Well I'm always here to help." He grinned and patted her head in a way that was way too condescending for someone who you just had sex with.

That brought up the last most important question of the night, "What are you even doing at Chip's party?"

The man sighed and flopped back, looking up at the ceiling, "He was one of my old masters. Was actually smart enough to get what he wished for."

"Did he wish for his singing voice?" That would explain how incredible it was.

"Nah," Norm waved off the idea, "He's genuinely got talent. He wished for his big break and he got it."

"Oh." She didn't know what to say to that, Norm seemed really annoyed that Chip got what he wanted.

"Kid still invites me to his parties as a thank you. He knows I could still probably ruin his life, so he's pretty grateful."

Trixie bit her lip, "Are you going to ruin my life with that wish I made?"

"No." He shook his head and looked at her with actual fondness, "I'm giving you an excellent opportunity. All the crazy magical hook ups you could ever want."

"Why would I even want them?" This conversation was making her feel uncomfortably vulnerable.

"Why wouldn't you?" He looked actually confused that she wouldn't, "Don't you want to go out there and live a little?"

Sitting on a couch curled up next to a genie, it didn't sound that bad. Now that she sort of knew what was going on it kind of sounded fun, "I think I might."

* * *

Author's Note:

unknown20troper: Worry not, drama and slash make up my life in equal amounts. I hope you enjoy the hella Norm action in this chapter.

I hope everyone enjoyed me overthinking how to have sex without a lower body. Please read and review to tell me what you think and what else you'd like to see.


	5. When In Rome

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over the Fairly OddParents franchise.

**Trigger Warning: DubCon, Sexual Content, underage relationships.**

Last Time: Trixie Tang got some answers.

* * *

Trixie Tang loved partying, but she loved shopping so much more.

Shopping was really the kind of thing that brought teenage rich girls together, Trixie had met some of her best friends on shopping sprees and could honestly tell her life story better through sales receipts than any other way. She and Veronica for instance, had first become friends because they were left in the childrens area by their mothers while their mothers went to buy lingerie. It was a friendship strongly tied to enjoying their wealth together and it was that enjoyment of their wealth that led them back to the mall nearly every afternoon.

By three in the afternoon Trixie and Veronica had been in just about every boutique in Dimmsdale. It wasn't that they were looking for any specific things to buy, it's just that there was nothing to do in Dimmsdale during the day if you didn't have crazy magical intervention. The only logical thing to do was kill some time by getting coffee.

"So, I was thinking, like, we hit the mall next?" Veronica was studying her coffee, trying to divine the number of calories in it.

"Oh totally," Trixie agreed, tucking her hair behind her ear. Thats what she got for forgoing her usual headband., "I think Civilized Entropy has a new line of eye stuff out."

"Good," Veronica flipped her hair and put on a very overdramatic pout, "I need some new mascara, I'm practically out!" She had more types of mascara in her bathroom than some cosmetic counters.

"I know what you mean, the stuff I bought last weekend totally clumps up!" Trixie shivered in horror at the thought, "God, I looked like Missy at prom last year! I mean it looked like she had, like, four eyelashes!" Trixie grimaced at the thought of the nicest popular girl in the entire school.

Veronica snorted, "More like three eyelashes in total."

It was while they were sipping coffee and mocking their peers that Veronica noticed some even more tantalizing gossip.

"Trixie," Veronica leaned over and whispered into the dark haired girls ear, "Look, it's that Juandissimo guy from Remy's party!"

"And that's totally not Remy with him." Trixie gasped fiendishly.

Standing with the magically handsome Juandissimo was a gorgeous man with pastel pink hair. He was handsome in the exact opposite of the hypermasculine babe-ishness of Juandissimo, androgynously pretty with delicate features and big blue eyes. Where Juandissimo was absolutely ripped the other man was slender. He was wearing a pink blazer with a pink bowtie and white pants. He was quite possibly the most beautiful person they had ever seen.

Thinking fast Trixie grabbed a menu and ducked her head behind it, pulling Veronica with her. They peered over the top of it to spy.

"I just don't understand why we must go shopping here?" Juandissimo asked in his sexy, sexy accent.

"Sweetie," The pink clad man tsked, "Have you seen what they wear in Fairyworld, they do not keep up with the changing times of fashion." He shook his head in a mournful manner. Even his voice was pretty, clear and sweet.

The two girls exchanged looks asking if Fairyworld was the was some sort of mildly offensive nickname for a place they had never been. California was a pretty strange state, after all.

"True," Juandissimo conceded, then motioned to his own outfit, "But you cannot beat the classics."

Despite the apparent disagreement on the subject, the pink man's smile was good natured even as he rolled his eyes, "The only thing that can't be beat is this coffee."

"True enough, mi amor." And Juandissimo toasted him with his coffee cup.

The two girls boggled so much at the "mi amor" comment that they didn't even realize they had sat up straight. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to Trixie, the weight shift on the chairs already unstable legs sent Trixie, who hand been leaning heavily forward, toppling straight to the ground.

The resulting crash capture the eyes of everyone in the room. Trixie was trying in vain to maintain her dignity when a hand was offer to her.

"If it isn't the beautiful Trixie Tang," Juandissimo leaned down to help her up, "Do you perhaps need a hand?"

Trixie turned as pink as Veronica's clothes, "That would be, like, totally helpful."

As he pulled her up his pink possible boyfriend looked on, clearly amused, "I'll take it you two know each other?"

"Yes," He grinned and motioned to the girl, "This is a friend of Remy's, Trixie Tang," He wrapped an arm around the pastel clad man and motioned to him, "This is my espouso Cupid."

Oh, life had to be kidding her. She had just humiliated herself in front of an impossibly pretty man who was either named after or, given how her life had been going these past few weeks, the actual god of love.

Finally stepping into the conversation, Veronica nervously blurted out, "Trixie are you okay?"

"Yeah," Trixie laughed lightly and straightened her skirt, "Cupid, this is my friend Veronica."

The androgynous man, Cupid, had a smile that could drop panties and boxers alike. He held out a hand and dragged his eyes over them both, "Well, isn't it nice to meet you two!"

Trixie shook his hand and tried to refrain her intense blushing, "And it is sooo nice to meet you!"

There was something supremely weird about this guy. He felt not so much like electricity or fire, but had this odd essence of power about him. Being near him was like standing outside before a storm, the air heavy with the weight of it. It was frankly disconcerting.

When she pulled her hand away her head swam. She vaguely noticed that when Veronica shook his hand she too seemed to have a moment of vertigo, blinking rapidly.

Juandissimo was giving Cupid a look somewhere between long suffering and attracted as he charmed the pants off both the girls, "So are you two here for the sales as well?"

"Of course," Said Trixie, snapping out of the near trance she had been in, "We just got back from Hartman's, they had the cutest dresses on sale."

"Oh, I know!" Gushed Cupid. His voice was high and enthusiastic in that way people got when talking about themselves, "I'm heading over there to get a new suit!"

"What cut?" Trixie sipped her coffee and smiled, she could talk fashion far better than small talk.

"Milanese," He winked, "Thinking of getting it the same color as my hair."

Trixie nodded, "Well, it's definitely your color."

"As much as I would love to stay and chat," Juandissimo interrupted, "We must make our leave."

"Well it was, like, so great to meet you." Trixie bit her lip. She was getting the feeling that this was one of those opportunities dropping into her lap thing that Norm had mentioned.

Veronica nodded, still a little hazy, "Yeah, totally."

As the handsome pair walked off and Veronica tried to recover, Trixie was sure that things were about to get totally freaky. Again.

* * *

The pair of girls had spent the rest of the day cruising the mall before heading home, Veronica dropping Trixie off at the Tang homestead and driving off into the sunset.

As Trixie lounged on her enormous pink canopy bed and examined her haul for the day she considered the following:

Even if she acknowledged magical intervention, the amount of weird supernatural guys showing up in her life seemed to imply that there was way more magic in the world then her science classes would imply.

On the subject of weird supernatural guys, why were only guys turning up in her life? She really doubted that there were only magical men out there, where were all the women? Was the magical world really that much of a total sausage fest?

"Well" She sighed and flopped backwards on her bed, "That would explain why they're all going after human girls."

"You know, if that were true it really would." An exceedingly cheerful voice agreed.

From behind the arm she had dramatically flopped over her eyes, Trixie could see a bright white light. She only saw part of it from around her arm, but the part she saw was blinding. She screwed her eyes shut, cutting it down to a red glow, "Omigod!"

"That I am." The light dimmed and Trixie blinked through the spots in her vision to look at the most attractive being to ever step foot into her bedroom.

It was Cupid again, but any idea that he could have been human was replaced by an aura of glory. He was backlit by otherworldly light that seemed to come from nowhere, making his swirly pink hair glitter. Two white, angelic wing were growing from his back, although it was questionable if they would have been able to lift him in flight. His skin was flawless and the lines of his face were delicate and young. Cupid was so pretty Trixie almost started crying at the sight of him.

"Are you wearing a diaper?" It was simply the only thing Trixie could focus on in the face of such overwhelming stimuli.

His twitched like he had planned on talking more about how great he was, but she threw him off, "Most mortals don't notice that."

Trixie stared further at him, eyebrows continuing to raise in shock.

"It's a fashion statement." Cupid huffed.

She continued to stare at him. His bizarre taste in outfits and his godly radiance were more than enough to keep her eye for all eternity. Despite the temptation to just sit there, however, she had to to know, "Like, is there any reason why you're here?"

That seemed to get him back on track. He smiled a smile that could inspire the greats, "I'm Cupid, god of love, and I couldn't resist coming to see this beautiful new mortal that I've heard rumors of."

Much as she was a sucker for compliments, even she could not be oblivious to what he was saying, "God of love? Like, god with a capital G god?"

"The one and only," He smiles with pride, "Well, I mean I'm one of a pantheon, but the only love god!"

Trixie felt vaguely nauseated. She stared at him with eyebrows up to her hairline, "As in the greek gods."

Cupid seemed a little confused as why she was going down this line of questioning, "Yeeesss." He replied slowly.

"Like, actual, literal, gods?" She was fairly certain that she was having a panic attack. Or maybe an existential break. This guy was a god, like, a God god.

"Oh," He sighed, realizing what he problem was, "Sweetie, gods are wide and varied. The existence of one does not disprove the existence of another. The fact that I exist doesn't disprove…" He thought for a moment and frowned, "Which one is it that humans worship these days?"

"Like, Jesus and stuff." Trixie was not a strict believer of any doctrine, the fact that she'd spent her entire Summer thus far going around finding new and exciting ways to sin could attest to that, but the christian religion was the one she'd been generally exposed to and had accepted her whole life.

"Of Nazerath?" Cupid asked thoughtfully, "He was a nice kid."

Pushing aside the fact that this guy had apparently met Jesus, she wasn't really in the mood for any more mind blowing revelations, she asked, "So you're the god of love? You make people, like, fall in love?"

"Yes, I do!" He said smugly. A flirty smile stretched across his face, "And I'm here to show you how."

She did actually want to see how, but she wasn't about to help this guy cheat on his magical boyfriend, "Aren't you, like, dating Juandissimo?"

"Yeeesss?" He didn't seem to bothered by that fact.

"Wouldn't that be cheating?" Trixie Tang was not about to get turned into a cow or a river or something because a god, no matter how mind blowing attractive, wanted to play boink the mortal babe.

"Oh," He rolled his eyes, "It's one of those silly monogamy issues. We don't really do that."

"You don't do," Her face scrunched up in confusion, "Monogamy?"

"Sweetie," He shook his head like that was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard, "Do you want to guess how old I am?"

"Twenty five?" She asked, because she could not recall how old the roman empire was, but that was how old he looked.

"Oh and you're sweet too," He ran his fingers through his pink hair and smiled, preening a little, "But it's a liiittle closer to the dawn of sapient species."

"Oh," She wasn't sure if his phrasing meant that he was older than genies and pixies, too, but either way that was ancient. She was talking to someone older than her entire species. God everything was totally complicated.

"Exactly," He sighed, "If magical creatures that lived millena stayed with one person their entire lives they would probably die of boredom. Basically every relationship for us is an open one."

That made sense, in a hedonistic kind of way, "So you're here to, like, hook up?"

"Hook up is such an unpleasant way to put it," He tsked and placed a hand on his chest dramatically "I always make love!"

Trixie wasn't really sure how to reply to such an assertion.

"And you," He pulled from behind his back a large bow, arrow already primed, "Are certainly lovely."

"Wait a second!" Trixie squealed and cringed back at the sight of the enormous arrow pointed at her.

He raised an eyebrow, "Why? I know things are different now, but this is a big part of the whole 'god ravishing a beautiful mortal' thing. I mean I could turn into golden rain or something ridiculous, but that was actually just a metaphor for Zeus being into kinky stuff."

"You are literally about to shoot me with an arrow!" Her voice cracked and her eyes were still locked on the arrow.

"Silly," Cupid rolled his eyes and aimed, "These are magical arrows."

Trixie didn't have a chance to point out that that didn't mean they couldn't kill her before Cupid loosed the arrow directly into her literal and metaphorical heart.

"Omg." All of a sudden it didn't matter that much that she just got shot.

Cupid was in soft focus, like the romantic lead from a eighties soap opera. He was already flawless and glowy, but now Trixie could feel it in her heart instead of just see it with her eyes. She wasn't sure if she wanted to drop to her knees and worship him like he clearly deserved or throw herself at him. It was only halfway through trying to decide that she realized that she had been loudly confessing her love to him for however long everything had been romantic.

"With the fiery passion of thousand suns," Trixie unconsciously finished her most recent declaration. She was cut off from saying any more when Cupid swept her up into a kiss.

He tasted sugary sweet, like candy hearts and caramel coffee. Warm hands cupped her face, then shoulders, then pushed her back onto the bed.

"I lov-" Was all she managed to get out when he broke the kiss to give her the chance to breathe. Trixie threw her arms around his neck and pressed herself against him. She would prefer to breathe him instead of air.

She fumbled for the buttons of his shirt, attempting to bypass his jacket all together, until he caught her hands and laughed, "Slow down, silly, we have all the time in the world."

Trixie rolled her eyes, even madly in love that was a near automatic response, "Then we can do it a bunch of times."

Unable or unwilling to argue with that logic Cupid shrugged off his jacket, somehow not getting caught on the angel wings, while Trixie devested herself of her own clothes. By the time he bothered to even pay attention to her again she was naked and clinging to him.

The way he touched her was slow and steady, no rush to grope or feel her. His hands were impossibly smooth and soft against her skin and part of her wanted to ask what lotion he used. The already slim chance she had of asking the question died when his hands made their way down to her thighs and spread them. Fingers dipped into the heat of her and he laughed, high and airy.

"You know, I'm starting to wonder if I should just go back to being the god of erotic love, considering how you mortals always react to the arrows." His fingers slid in easily, she was soaking wet as the Marianas Trench, and he rubbed the nub of nerves at the top of her entrance with his thumb, "I honestly doubt you need to be warmed up much more, buuut it is important to show at least some appreciation of your partner." With that statement, Cupid pulled his fingers from her core, earning a distressed noise, only to lean down to kiss, just absolutely french, her lower set of lips.

Trixie couldn't tell if the God of Erotic Love thing had been a joke, but she could believe it was the truth from the hot spikes of pleasure she felt as he ate her out. He focused the majority of his ministrations on her sensitive clit, pressing and licking with practiced expertise. Trixie could not say whether it was the apparent thousands of years he's been doing it or hot sex magic, but either way he was truly talented. He also looked incredible with his face between her thighs, the apples of his cheeks flushed and brilliant blue eyes looking so intent on what he was doing. The pleased look on Cupid's face as Trixie moaned and writhed was so pretty it pushed her straight over her magically increased edge.

She was still shuddering with aftershocks when he leaned over her, "I wasn't sure if you would be as pretty as I'd heard, but looking the way you look now," He drank in her parted lips and silken hair and delicate frame like a museum director picking out an art piece, "Oh, I could just take you home with me."

You could, she was about to say, glad to offer herself over as a sacrifice to this god, but didn't get the chance before he finally disappeared the last of his clothes and pressed into her, all slow and gentle, and all she could say was, "Oh, god."

"Don't feel the need to be so formal," His voice went porn star sultry as he entered her, "You can just call me Cupid."

Cupid fit into Trixie like a hand in a glove, the perfect size and shape to fill her just right. When he was completely inside her it was heavenly and it was no wonder why there were all those stories about mortals falling for gods. It was only better when he started moving, rhythm and angle working together to grind her sweet spots into oblivion.

Trixie had never loved a boy like she loved Cupid in that moment and so she did the only logical thing. She leaned up to kiss his perfect rosey lip and could taste herself on them, mixed with the sweet taste that was undeniably his. What she lacked in his experience, though she had plenty to her own name, she made up for in adoring enthusiasm. He seemed to find charming and reciprocated, with plenty of tongue.

For the life of her, Trixie simply couldn't get over how good he was. Her previously mystic lovers had skill, sure, but it had been so entwined with their magic it was hard to tell when one started and the other ended. Trixie could feel the power in Cupid too, some strange seething thing under his skin that seemed like it would simply be too much, but his kissing and sucking and fucking, excuse her, 'love making' was his own ability. The way he slipped a hand between them to play with her clit made her break the kiss because with all that pleasure she could hardly have the brainpower to breathe.

On Cupid's part, he didn't seem to mind not kissing. While she tried to survive the typhoon of pleasure he just ramble in a likes the sound of his own voice kind of way about how pretty she was and he could just take her home and frame her like a picture. It was sometime during him describing her as a girl to win the golden apple that he thrust into her for the last time and Trixie had to squeeze her eyes shut because the light that had accompanied him into her room was back, and wow now she could feel all that power that had been existing just at the edges of him and it was so much, too much to comprehend and she saw god.

Trixie came to from having blacked out to a very amused looking Cupid snuggling her on her now messy bed, "Omigod." She raked her hair back, pushing bangs from her eyes.

Cupid smiled at her, radiant as always, "You know I do mean it when I keep saying-"

"I can call you Cupid," She interrupted and tried to sit up, but was still too orgasm shaky and just gave up and remained in his arms.

"I see the arrow has worn off," He laughed and cast a look to the quiver he had left at the foot of her bed.

"That arrow," Even without it, being cuddled up to a naked Cupid was distracting as nothing else was, "Like, how did that even?"

He gave a one shouldered shrug, "I've got to make people fall in love somehow and arrows are the best for long and short range. Those were temporary arrows, though."

"Obviously," Normally Trixie would be at least somewhat in control of her sass, but if you couldn't be smart to someone who just came inside you, who could you? Speaking of which, "Omigod, I'm not going to get pregnant will I?" She didn't want to end up like Io.

Cupid made a face at the very idea, "Of course not, I do not want to deal with any child support."

Grimacing at his priorities, Trixie stretched, feeling pleasantly sex sore.

"I just cannot get over how cute you are," Cupid sighed and continued to gaze at her with something like affection, "I meant it when I said I could take you with me, it would be loads of fun."

Pulling back, Trixie blinked at him. Was he seriously suggesting she go with him to be some sort of sexy centerpiece, "I can't, school's starting back soon."

Cupid rolled his eyes at the idea school would be worth giving up such an opportunity and sat up, "Okaaay, but the offer stands."

With a snap of his fingers Cupid was dressed again fully with his quiver of arrows over his shoulder, "If you ever want to give up this boring mortal life, you only have to call."

"I don't have you phone number," Trixie pointed out, but by the time she'd said it he was gone.

Left behind in her bedroom was the smell of roses and a vague sense that her life was in the hands of a bunch of super powerful jerks who didn't really care how she felt on the matter.

Seriously, she was starting to think that these bizarre jerks just had nothing better to do with their time than party and objectify mortal girls. At least she was getting incredible orgasms out of the deal, but she really needed to take some control of her life. Maybe read Daddy's copy of _The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People_.

"I need to call the maid," She looked at the sticky spot on her bed and stood up, legs thankfully holding up under her. She could feel stuff dripping down her thigh, "And take a shower."

* * *

Author's Note:

unknown20troper: Glad you enjoy the take on magic, I'm trying to give all the types of magical creatures distinct flavor in regards to magic. Although Cupid's even more different in the magic department than anyone else, being a god and all. Hope you're ready for another Norm chapter with even more exposition and sex.

Sorry for taking forever to update, senior year of high school is more time consuming than expected. If anyone has any requests on who Trixie should end up thrown into bed with next, feel free to ask for it. Please read and review to tell me what you think and what else you'd like to see.


	6. Djinn No Chaser

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over the Fairly OddParents franchise.

**Trigger Warning: Sexual Content, Swearing, underage drinking, underage relationships.**

Last Time: At least this one had a precedent for banging mortal girls.

* * *

As the summer approached it's end the kids of Dimmsdale approached a fever pitch in their frenzy of partying. It seemed they couldn't go the night without going out to a beach bonfire or a house kegger. Trixie was, of course, invited to just about every single one and went out every other night.

Since her run in with the actual factual God of Love things had been rather uneventful. She saw hide nor hair of any of the bizarre magical men that had been popping up in her life. In truth, it was a blessing. She had time to relax and hit the spa and gym, get coffee with Veronica, and even go to the beach without ending up basically tripping and falling into the lap of some sexy stranger. In the wake of several weeks of non stop boning, it was a delightful reprieve.

Good things rarely last.

Trixie was blow drying her hair when she heard a noise like the gong at cheap Chinese restaurant. Whipping around she pointed the blow dryer like a gun. Floatlounging about six inches off her bed was none other than Norm.

"Don't shoot," He deadpanned, looking at her, "I'm unarmed."

"You mean other than the incredible cosmic abilities?" She rolled her eyes and set her weapon on the top of her vanity.

"My natural charms and good looks don't count." He grinned, "Speaking of good looks, you're looking nice tonight."

"I'm getting ready for a bonfire tonight." Trixie replied,

"Now, I have an idea," Norm appeared thoughtful, "How about you skip the kiddy campfire marshmallow roast and come to the most phenomenal party you'll see in your entire life."

"Just what makes it better than anything else I could do tonight?" Trixie asked with an arched eyebrow. Yeah, she wanted to party, but that was a pretty big claim.

He grabbed her around the shoulders and tugged her next to him. With one hand he gestured out into some unseeable distance, "Let me paint you a picture. The biggest party, not just in your world, but every single magical world there is. Myths made reality, high stakes gambling," He looked at her with a smirk, "Hard booze."

"Well," She smiled, "I'm not going to turn down free drinks."

So it was settled and Trixie set about shucking off the clothes she had planned for the night. Booty shorts and a bikini top worked at the beach, not in the club. Norm assured her it would be taking place in one, so she needed something appropriated short yet formal.

"Just going naked?" Norm eyed her as she dug through her closet while wearing only her panties, "You'll probably end the night like that, but you should at least put a bra on for the party."

She waved him off and pulled on a black dress so short it would have been a shirt on a girl an inch taller.

"Didn't know you still had clothes from elementary school, because that had to be the last time that dress covered much." He wasn't really complaining and was unrepentantly checking her out.

When she grabbed strappy high heels that made her actually look a normal height it he just laughed, "I'd make a joke about how tiny you are, but I think you'd get a little short with me."

"You're totally about to find out how point these heels are," She didn't even bother to face them when she threatened that, focusing instead on applying liquid eyeliner.

It was only once she was done dressing for the occasion that she questioned, "So where are we going anyway? Like, whose party is it?"

"You know April Fools Day, when all you humans play pranks on each other?"

"Yeah, but you do realize it's August, right?" And that that had like nothing to do with what she asked.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean the actual April Fool isn't alive right now. He just spends the rest of the time throwing really depraved parties. It's great!" He for one seemed excited about the party, even if what he was claiming was ridiculous.

Trixie stared at him with genuine confusion, "So the party we're going to is being thrown by, like, the concept of a holiday?"

Norm nodded a little mockingly, as if she had taken forever to understand something rudimentary, "Now you're getting it."

That was ridiculous, but so were the things and a majority of the people Trixie did these days.

With that weird and frankly confusing explanation of what they were going to do tonight, Norm snapped his fingers and teleported the two of them away, one hand still shamelessly fondling her as he held her for transport.

The headrush of teleporting remained thoroughly unpleasant and left Trixie toppling onto Norm when her legs gave out. Thankfully, he didn't have legs to give out under him and he remained upright enough for the two of them. Once she could actually stand on her own two feet, Trixie was able to take in their surroundings.

In front of them was a long low building with a high swirling roof. Other than the soft pastel color scheme it looked like any other club Trixie had ever seen, with bright lights from high windows pouring into the night and the smell of alcohol and sweat lingering even in the air outside. Pounding music could be heard from outside. Bouncers blocked the door that a long line of scantily clad women and leering men floated at. Above the building a large neon sign held in a large neon fist declared the build "Uncle Knuckles Chuckle Barn".

Trixie looked at her feet, submerged slightly in a smoky haze, "How did they get a fog machine to spray glitter, too?"

"They didn't," Norm laughed at her while he tugged her to the front of the line, "We're standing on clouds, kid."

Looking behind them as Norm named dropped their way into the club Trixie could see were the fog stopped. The ground seemed to drop off into an abyss. She held onto Norm a little tighter.

Norm was apparently the master name dropper, because they were inside the club in record time, much to the visible and audible annoyance of the people in line. Their groaning was quickly overshadowed by the loud music, though, so it was no problem.

Inside the club was much like the outside, packed with people whose feet didn't touch the ground and ranged from vaguely human to caricature to painful to look at. Only a few humans were present and like Trixie they all seemed to be in the company of someone distinctly magical.

Before Trixie could ask Norm if, based on the giant fist outside, he brought her to some sort of weird magic S&amp;M club a gaudily dressed man appeared in front of them.

"Norm!" The man greeting them wore perhaps the tackiest jacket Trixie had ever seen, bright yellow checkerboard patterned and ill-fitting, "Glad you could make it out of the lamp! And you brought some human tail!"

Without giving Norm the chance to introduce her or even reply the fashion unconscious man doffed his purple jester cap, "I'm the April Fool, baby, but you can call me anytime." With that overused come on he reached out to shake her hand, only to shock her with a joy buzzer so powerful she yelped and her arm went numb, "Haha, gets 'em every time."

Before Trixie could remove her high heel to stab that jerk or do something else equally rash Norm intervened, "Yeah, it's great to see you too, but I think I should probably get us some drinks, I'll see you around." His ability to power through a conversation was impressive as he steered her off into the crowd.

"That douche is the host?" Trixie grimaced as she rubbed her tingling arm, "I thought you said this would be fun?"

"Yeah he is and yeah I did and yeah it will be fun, just don't accept any drinks from him," Norm reached to hold her injured arm and with a burst of magic set it right, "Now how about we enjoy the open bar?"

Now that was something Trixie could agree to.

Once they managed to pierce the crowd enough to get to the bar, however, Trixie was greeted by a familiar face. Or rather, faces.

"Hi, Sanders-" Trixie began to greet the pixie who had been her official introduction to the world of magic, but when the group of men who he was with turned to face her they were literally all Sanderson but one of them, "-Ons?"

Instead of any of the Sandersons replying to her the older man in the center greeted her, "Well hello, Ms. Tang, how surprising to see you here tonight," He didn't seemed surprised at all.

Trixie was having too much of an issue with the fact there were seven Sandersons. That was six more than made sense. Thankfully Norm picked up the conversational slack, "Head Pixie, I didn't think you'd be here tonight. It seems a little too chaotic for Pixie Inc."

This time the old, pointy hatted man did show emotion. It was disgust at the whole get together, "It is, we'll be leaving soon. We just had some business to attend to here and thought we'd have some drinks."

"Sounds great," Norm said cheerfully and reached behind the bar. He pulled out two blue cocktails with glittery smoke wafting off of them, "We're just grabbing some drinks before we dance, so we'll get out of your way."

Before Trixie could put her foot into her mouth by asking why there were seven Sandersons Norm had swiftly maneuvered them away, back into the crowd.

"Why?" Trixie attempted to gesture back at the group, "Like, what was up with the clone saga back there?"

"Pixies are a hive mind. There's a ton of Sandersons all sharing a brain and working for a single Head Pixie." Norm explained as he took a swig from his drink.

That was a strange situation to think about at some time when she didn't have free liquor in her hand decided Trixie as she eyed her drink. She took a sip and almost choked, it was strong. Like, set her throat on fire and burned the entire way down strong, "Ohmigod what's in this?"

Norm shrugged, "Probably fairy magic, that's what usually gets put in party drinks. Basically anything else will ruin up the alcohol content."

Trixie squinted at the drink and had another taste. Ugh it tasted like someone decided to put a house fire into a glass, "I meant, like, other than the obvious magic stuff but I guess that would explain the glitter."

"That it would," He said cheerfully, "Now toss back your drink so I can show you how to have a good time a one of these things."

And he did show her a good time! Once she managed to force down the lava he called a drink he pulled her onto the packed dance floor. All manner of bizarre and sometime scary sometime sexy magical creatures thrummed around them in a tight packed almost mosh-pit. Trixie wasn't sure just who or what was grinding on her other than Norm, but it was a hell of a party. Plus, despite the issue of still not having legs, Norm was a good dancer. He pulled her close and, when they had room, twirled her around. The fact that it was a chance to publicly make out was a great bonus too.

Her public tonsil hockey was rudely interrupted when a hand caught her by the wrist and tugged her away from her partner.

"Trixie!" Cupid had to shout to be heard over the music, but from the half lidded full drunk look on his face he would be yelling anyway, "What are you doing here?"

Thankfully she was on her way to full drunkenness too, so she was perfectly fine yelling back, "Dancing, obviously!"

He pulled her close to him and didn't hesitate to plant a kiss on her well-lipsticked mouth, "Then can I have this one?"

"I'm kind of here with someone!" She stated before she could cheerfully consent to some unsubtle dance floor heavy petting.

Once more Cupid seemed genuinely confounded by the concept of that being a problem, "So?"

Trixie didn't have a chance to figure out a counterargument to that before Norm seemed to pop out of nowhere and slung an arm around her shoulder, "The God of Love's trying to steal everyones date again, why am I not surprised?"

"Norm!" Cupid seemed delighted to see the sarcastic genie, "Wait, she's you date? Can't I steal her away for one dance, you shouldn't be hogging someone this pretty from everyone else the entire night!"

Trixie was too drunk and pleased to be called pretty to get upset over the fact that she was once again getting talked about as a particularly nice fucktoy. Norm just clapped them both on the shoulders, "Sure, sure, go have fun. I've got some business to take care of anyway."

Norm disappeared and left Trixie to Cupid's grabby mercy.

They had a little more space on the dance floor, with people giving Cupid enough room to dance and not just grind. He seemed to draw the same kind of respect here that Trixie got when she went to high school parties. It was really fun, they twirled around and fell all over each other and it turned out Cupid was a pretty good conversationalist when he wasn't actively in the process of ravishing someone.

"So," The giddy pink haired man asked, "How did you manage to end up here? I mean these parties aren't exactly safe for mortals!"

"Duh, Norm said he brought me!" Trixie chirped and even moderately drunk Trixie simply couldn't look away from Cupid's perfect face. If anything being drunk was making it worse!

"Well, yeah, silly," Cupid laughed, "I got that! I'm just wondering is he your mentor or something?"

"Mentor?" That was a weird way to phrase it, even for the weird God of Love.

"Your mentor," He rolled his eyes, so pretty and blue, "I mean he's here showing you the ropes of the magical world and stuff!"

Trixie giggled, "I guess so!"

Cupid beamed at that and pulled her in for another sugar tasting kiss, "That's fantastic, I thought you mortals stopped with mentors like that! I always thought those relationships were just precious!"

Cupid was about to move on from affectionate kissing to full face sucking when a deep laugh came from beside them, "I see you were not slowed down by my absence, mi amor."

"Juandissimo!" If Cupid's face could brighten anymore it did then as he turned to the buff man and absolutely tackled him.

"Yes," Juandissimo seemed unbothered by his over affectionate boyfriend's wandering mouth and pulled him in for a kiss and wow that was hot, "I have returned and I have brought the drinks. I worry you won't be able to drink them, though, with how you are going at the moment."

"Psssh," Cupid waved off the idea he couldn't continue to get drunk, "I'm going to have my korobela and you're going to have a taste of this adorable mortal girl."

"What?" That was Juandissimo, who seemed genuinely confused by the idea, and Trixie who was annoyed that she was being offered to a guy by another guy, no matter how hot the guys.

"Come on," Cupid declared as he drank his fancy drink, "It would be sexier than sexy!"

The goading was getting to Juandissimo and Trixie just rolled her eyes. It wasn't much different than anytime guys tried to convince her and Veronica to kiss, "Fine."

Okay, it was better than fine. Juandissimo was nice to look at but wow he was even better to kiss. He was all tongue and passion and when Trixie grabbed his ponytail and pressed her body against his well muscled abs it was swoon worthy. Plus she could feel the weird magical undercurrent in him and it was nice, meshing with her body more easily that genie or pixie or weird godly magic ever had.

Suddenly and unfortunately Juandissimo ended the kiss. The way he looked at her made Trixie feel like she might get eaten alive by lust, whether hers or his it was unknown. His warm hands rested on her back, "I must say, Beautiful Trixie, you are as delectable as Cupid claimed."

"Thanks," She managed to articulate, head still spinning from that kiss, "You're totally as sexy as you look!"

The rather intense staring went on for a moment longer before something seemed to go off inside him and he straightened up, letting her go, "But you are so young, go enjoy the night and do not get so drawn in by admittedly sexy men such as myself."

Trixie blinked, surprised by the sudden dismissal, "What?"

Cupid seemed to understand some unspoken thing his boyfriend was doing and rolled his eyes with a smile, "Go find you mentor, sweetie, you've got plenty of time for this."

With that the pink man handed her his drink and spun her around, shoving her out into the crowd.

That was another mark in the Cupid Ignoring Trixie's Bodily Autonomy Tally thought Trixie as she fought her way out through the crowd. She needed some fresh air and to sober up she decided even as she drank the red cocktail she had been handed.

Thankfully a side door appeared in time for her to make an escape and she stumbled through it into the night air.

"God it was loud in there," Even after the door closed her ears were ringing and she had to sit down. Maybe the drinks were overpowered or maybe it was the magic, but she was feeling much drunker than she should after a drink and a half.

"Oh wow," She had stumbled outside to the edge of the cloud that the building sat on. From here the view was really nice.

The night sky stretched below and above her and for a second she thought they had to be above the stars. Glittering lights sparkled below her, like no constellation Trixie had ever seen. But that didn't make sense, Trixie knew she was hardly in Kansas anymore by this point, but she didn't think clouds existed like this in shouldn't be able to be on top of any stars. Leaning forward and squinting she could almost recognize it. Was that a city?

She didn't realize she had leaned too far until she lost her grip on the cloud ground and began to slide forward, "Ohmi-!"

Trixie was cut off when a hand looped through her arm and pulled her up. She stumbled backwards into the person who had saved her with a 'oof'.

"Are you alright, Miss?" A smooth voice with a posh British accent asked.

"I" Trixie turned to face her savior and if she hadn't been drunk on magical booze she would have flinched, "I'm fine, thanks to you."

He was positively demonic, though more of a Lucifer the Seducer type than Biblical Beast. He looked just old enough to be her father, but something in his face seemed eons older. He was the only immortal being Trixie had seen thus far to actually look his age. Although the fact that he was wearing a monocle might have been the thing throwing her estimate off. His skin was an inhuman blue, far past the choking color some dead bodies turn to a dark royal blue. Pointed ears and a pair of sharp canines protruding over his bottom lip added to the hole effect. His hair was the only messy thing about him and was the same dark blue of his skin. He wore a blue suit jacket with an ascot, black pants, and shoes so shiny that when Trixie looked down she could she her reflection.

"That's good," He clucked his tongue, "It would be just terrible luck to fall from this height, certainly fatal."

The way his voiced pitched on fatal, like it would be funny to see that happen, made her step back just a tad, "Yeah, I mean it's not the fall that kill you, but still."

"The landing's none too pleasant." He agreed with a nod. He looked her over, sharp eyes reading her like the newspaper, "I am left wondering who left a young human lady unescorted at this sort of party, any number of bad things could happen."

Okay, he was officially the conductor of the creep train. "M-My date had to go talk to someone, he'll be back soon, though!"

He apparently could tell he was making her nervous, "Dear Beatrix, there is no reason to be afraid. Despite it appears I have no intentions of harming you." He almost sounded like he regretted that fact.

"Yeah, because I totally shouldn't be scared when Blue Satan waltzes up and starts talking about death and knows my name," She rolled her eyes, but then realized what she said. Clapped her hands over her mouth Trixie squeaked, "Not that I'm saying you're a demon!"

"Rest assured that you're not insulting me by saying that, we anti-fairies were the basis of that concept, back in the old days." The blue man only laughed, "In fact I rather miss the term, it binds us less to our counterparts, calls us our own people."

"What's an antifairy?" Now Trixie was sure they were making things up. Greek Gods and Genies she could buy, even Pixies could be believed, but now things were getting ridiculous. The anthropomorphic personification of April Fools Day? Antifairies? What was going to be next, Santa Claus? The Tooth Fairy? A talking Arbor Day Tree?

"Anti-fairies," He started, empathizing the hyphen, "Are magical beings powered by bad luck, spreading it where ever we go. The antithesis of those ridiculous fairies, we strive to bring chaos. We are the most devilish of all the magical races."

Trixie squinted at him, "That sounds like a pretty good reason to be afraid of you."

"Dear Beatrix," He smiled and even trying to look friendly he looked malevolent, "You have so much potential to cause trouble in your own way, you leave it behind you like the trail of a comet. I would be doing a disservice to bad luck everywhere if I stopped you."

"Are you implying I'm a jinx or something?" That was kind of offensive.

He shook his head, "Not at all, only that you are causing something no one has before and that I'd hate to see you stop before the, ahem, climax of your story."

Well that was ominous and Trixie would have called him out on that but at the very moment Norm appeared in a puff of smoke with a gonging noise accompanying it, "Well look who got out of jail!"

The blue man's grin looked at once more cheerful and more threatening, "And look who's out of his lamp!"

"As much as I'd love to stay and chat, Anti-Cosmo, I promised to show Trixie here a good time and I'd hate to disappoint her." The arm Norm wrapped around Trixie's waist was nothing short of possessive.

"Of course," Although the ridiculously named Anti-Cosmo didn't look like he wanted to let them leave, "Well, you do be careful about that. You never know what sort of things could happen to a young human girl at these sorts of things."

After those vague threats Norm pulled Trixie as far away from Anti-Cosmo a physically possible, "And here I thought you didn't want to talk to assholes tonight."

"I didn't," Trixie rolled her eyes at Norm but remained firmly planted in his side, "But he didn't seem that bad."

"Well, you're clearly even drunker than you look," Norm frowned, "Much as I want to let you have all the freedom in the world to make all your terrible sex decision, I need to warn you. Anti-fairies are all evil, but Anti-Cosmo's the worst."

"He was nice," Trixie protested. Why, the man had been down right gentlemanly other than the vague threats!

"Parents would think he was nice before he stole their kids," Norm replied flippantly, then frowned, "Look, the guy's caused genocides before."

Trixie bit her lip, "Oh."

"It's fine, kid, don't worry about it, just don't talk to him again," He patted her side gently and laughed, "You're a little drunk for this party, how about I take you home."

Yeah, okay she could agree to that, "Alright."

When they appeared in her bedroom she fell immediately on to the fluffy bed, dragging Norm down with her.

They lay there for a moment before Trixie rolled to face him, "I had fun tonight, we should do this again some time."

"As long as you promise to avoid genocidal assholes we can." He agree and gave her a surprisingly fond smile. It was so handsome on his she couldn't resist leaning forward and kissing him right on it. Unfortunately he broke the kiss, "Didn't I just say you were too drunk for anything fun."

Trixie stuck her tongue out and sat up. She swung a leg over his waist and straddled him, somehow not sinking through the translucent teal tail he had instead of legs, "Don't be a loser, Norm."

The genie looked tempted, but eventually just rolled his eyes and disappeared from under her. When she fell face first onto the bed he reappeared behind her and sighed, "I prefer my sex with people with more blood that alcohol in the BAC score."

Feeling defeated by Norm's magic and also gravity Trixie just kind of laid face down on the bed, "You're being so lame."

Norm looked at the girl for a moment then sighed, that was pathetic in a way that touched even his cold, scheming heart, "Don't say I never did anything for you." And he promptly flipped her over and kissed her.

Oh, yeah, that was awesome! She needed to just go an ask for things like this more often because Norm was a fantastic kisser. He opened his mouth to hers and when their tongues twined he tasted sharp and alcoholic with a burning magic undercurrent that he wasn't even trying to suppress for her benefit this time. What was for her benefit was the had he slipped up her dress and into her panties and ohmigod oh god!

"Oh god!" She was already high voiced and loud. Trixie parted her thighs to encourage her to yes touch her please, "Yes!"

"So demanding," Norm mocked, but by the way that big smile covered his face and his eyes drank in the way she arched under him he was feeling very mocking. His tail flicked around one of her legs by he made no move to stop kissing her and fuck her.

At the rate he was going he wouldn't need to, to be honest. He was going with his hands, not bothering with teasing her and instead going straight for the clit. With two fingers inside her he ground his knuckles into the ball of nerves and the way he curled those fingers inside her made Trixie glad her room was far enough away from anyone else that she could be loud. Because he had her crying out loud and girly shrill. He was basically playing her like she was a violin and he was a virtuoso.

"You think you want to be a little louder?" He asked and kissed her, "I don't think they can hear you back at the party yet."

God why did he have to be such a tool when he was so good at what he was doing. Actually that skill was probably the reason he was such a tool. Well the joke was on him, she declared, maybe out or maybe not. She reached up and caught him around the neck and tugged him into a kiss. She was messily drunken teen enthusiastic but the low groan she got from him was a sign she was doing it right. As was the way his tail tightened around her leg and wow!

It was with a burst of magic, possibly involuntary on his part, that he finished her off. Orgasmic sparks sent her over the edge to muscle tightening pleasure and while she didn't have a weird magical zen moment it was more than enough to leave her giggling and half fainted.

Norm sighed and pulled back from the girl. "Kid, you really need to work on this drinking and screwing yourself into a coma thing."

"Whatever," She didn't even bother to roll her eyes, that's how pleased she was.

For a moment longer he stared down at her and it was obvious he was considering screwing her. Norm shook his head and snapped his fingers and the girl was promptly teleported into some pajamas and under her blankets. He wasn't even sure why he decided to do that, but filed it not wanting to screw someone who was quickly on their way to unconsciousness.

Before he could leave a sleepy voice called from the comfort of the bed, "Goodnight, Norm."

"G'Night, Trixie."

* * *

Author's Note:

unknown20troper: I see you've hit upon my favorite thing about writing, pointless worldbuilding! I have a rich folder of useless but sexy worldbuilding for this story and everyone in it, but if you have any recommendations I'd love to hear them. Rest assured all your requests have now been planned into the story and will be there, with next chapter being so chock full of lesbians that you will wonder if the last six chapters of heterosexual sex were only a hallucination.

Hope you readers have been enjoying the fic thus far. We are now a third of the way through plot wise, with plenty of foreshadowing in place for the main plot to commence. Please read and review to tell me what you think and what else you'd like to see.


	7. Earth Girls Are Easy

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over the Fairly OddParents franchise.

**Trigger Warning: Sexual Content, Swearing, underage relationships.**

Last Time: Magical parties are the best parties.

* * *

The first day of a new school year was generally looked upon with dread. Yeah, you got to see friends you hadn't seen all summer long, but it wasn't worth it. You'd be stuck for another year mutilating classic literature for meaning and doing math that wasn't even possible without heavy calculator use. Even if you add on the bonus of friends you still had to deal with the constant social drama that came with them.

The popular kids had quickly claimed a table by the door, trying to catch any sort of breeze. Trixie sat in the queen spot, dead middle. To her right sat Chad on the table with her and the seat to her left held Veronica. The rest of the group gathered around her, vying for whatever position implied the most social class and held the best chance of cooling off.

"So, Trixie," Asked Tad, who was taking up two seats with the way he lounged, "You didn't show at the bon fire on Saturday, usually you're all over that shit."

It was a teasing goad more than anything, but there was a slight dig behind it. Her absence had apparently thrown off the group dynamics and they needed a good explanation for it.

"Psssh," Trixie flipped her hair, "I didn't really feel like roasting marshmallows. Plus I got an invite to a way cooler party."

That got their interest and Remy, ever the asshole, scoffed, "Oh really? Sure you weren't just too hung over from the last one."

That was a pointed jab at her. Trixie wasn't bothered though, she knew he was trying to make himself feel better after the widespread rumors about his sexuallity that had been started by Ivette after his party.

"No, I can actually get a date, Remy." She considered saying get a guy, but seeing him crying on the front steps of his house while everyone else had a hell of a time had just been unpleasant.

Veronica snorted, she had never like the blonde boy, "And he's a, like, a total babe."

Veronica had never seen Norm, but Trixie had texted her in details of their evenings together with a few facts changed. The magic parts mostly, although she had drunkenly described his skills in the bedroom as "TOTES magical wink wink".

Just then, as if drawn by the scent of gossip, Ivette walked up flanked by Missy carrying a Starbuck latte, "What's this I hear about a new beau for Trixie?"

"Oh, I was just explaining why I wasn't at the beach on Saturday." Trixie was teasing the girl by not explaining. Ivette thirsted for gossip like a man in the desert did for water.

"Well, we really missed there!" Missy's voice was sugary sincere and turned Trixie's stomach.

"Thanks," Trixie tried not to grimace, "I was at a party with this record producer guy, total hottie. I'll try to make the next one, though."

"That's super cool and all but guess what." Ivette grinned that feline grin that she got when she had the best gossip in the world.

"What?" Trixie asked and stared her down cold. Just what was Ivette doing, taking Trixie's much deserved attention?

"There's a new girl!" Ivette chirped and when that didn't get the reaction she had been aiming for she continued, "And she's crazy, like actual crazy! And she betrothed to that Mark Chang kid, apparently he's royalty."

Now Ivette had the gaping shock she was going for. Tad's eyebrows had migrated into his hairline, "Wait, what?"

"You heard it hear first," Grinned Ivette, "Apparently she was like locked up in Yugoslavia or wherever he's for trying to kill him or something. She got released and now she's here to get her man and become Queen. Her name's Mandie."

Speak of the devil, the New Girl, Mandie, walked in through the doors of the cafeteria and yeah, she was crazy.

The New Girl was strange even by the standards of the people Trixie had seen over the Summer. She was tall, easily breaking six feet even and built like a pinup model. Despite her curves to die for she had the body of an athlete, with cord like muscles visible on her arms and legs. Her hair was down to her freaking knees and as lavender as Trixie's headband. While that could be explained by dye, it didn't explain the unearthly green tint to her skin. If her physical appearance wasn't bizarre enough her outfit handled the weirdness. She wore a powder blue schoolgirl uniform that looked like something out of a hentai.

"What the actual fuck?" Veronica caught Trixie's eyes and scrunched up her face.

"Maybe she's a pastel goth?" Trixie shrugged. Or maybe her life was spiralling out of any control.

On that speculation, the bell rung. It was time for the first class of junior year to begin and none of them shared it with each other. It was also the first time in years that Trixie would have to attend a class without Veronica, Chad and Tad, Remy, Ivette, or even at the very least Missy.

She set out to first period, Chemistry, with a sense of dread.

When she entered the classroom it was already half full and she chose a seat with minimal fuss. She had plenty of offer to be table mates with people, but frankly all the offers were lame. She would have taken that A.J. kid up on his, he was the Valedictorian which meant he would probably be great for copying notes from and stuff, but Chester McBadbat physically tackled the other boy and stared her down. It was kind of creepy.

As the rest of the class filed in only she and the New Girl were left at a table by themselves. No one wanted to be next to a crazy six foot amazon when she snapped and no one sat next to Trixie Tang without express consent.

Then teacher arrived and yeah that explained her inexplicable feelings of dread.

"Hello, class." Students recoiled. Someone fainted. A wilhelm screamed could be heard. It was Denzel Fucking Crocker.

It was the most terrifying teacher the students of Dimmesdale Elementary School had ever had. Tall and nearly emaciated the man had a hunch and ears on his neck. While Mandie might be rumored to be crazy, Mr Crocker was actually crazy. Like, carted off in a strait jacket, stalks students, accuses the people of being fairies crazy. Actually, Trixie amended, even though he was still totally nuts he might have been right about the whole fairy thing. Still didn't change the fact that he was a bad teacher and this was the worst thing that had happened to the teens of Dimmesdale's education since they had him the first time.

"This class is Chemistry 101, or," He said as he wrote on the board, "Fairies: The Manipulators of Mankind!"

The reactions of the class to that statement was mixed at best. AJ looked horrified that he would be taking this class the same year he'd be taking the SATs. Timmy Turner was so pale he might actually pass out from lack of blood in his brain while his girlfriend just looked concerned. New girl was visibly unimpressed. Trixie didn't know how to feel. On one hand he was right about magic and stuff, but on the other she was concerned for her safety with him as her teacher. Didn't he get fired from the elementary school for breaking into a student's house?

"You will be partnering with the person at your desk to design an experiment to prove the existence of the magical world."

AJ grimaced, "And what if we disprove it?"

"Then you'll get an F for doing it wrong," Mr. Crocker snarled at the brainiac.

Yeah, Trixie was sure this class was going to suck.

Just as she thought things couldn't get worse a boy burst through door, "Dudes, sorry I'm late!"

That would be the apparently engaged Mark Chang. Tall and skinny with tan skin and dark hair he looked like the prototypical skater boy. He was cute in a haphazard, probably does drugs but not the hard ones way. He fell into that gray area of cool in a not snobby rich kid sort of way that always made Trixie feel a little unnerved yet attracted. He had what appeared to be a large bruise forming on his cheek and touched it with with a dreamy smile, "I was with my beloved Vicky and forgot that school started today."

"Yes, whatever," Mr. Crocker dismissed the boy with a wave of his hand as he continued to pass out papers and stopped to glare down Timmy, "Go sit in an empty seat."

Mark seemed ready to do just that before he took a closer look at the only empty seats. Mandie smiled like a well made up shark and he shrunk under her gaze. Frantically he looked at Timmy, but the pink capped teen was still faint from the revelation he was being taught by Mr. Crocker again. As a last resort his gaze settled on Trixie and she weighed her options.

On one hand she barely knew the kid and he was more of the stoner type of cool to her rich bitch type. There was little chance they would get along if they both maintained their fronts. On the other, letting the guy get forcibly dragged back to the collapsed Soviet Bloc to be arranged married would be fucked up in a way that surpassed high school drama and went straight to evil.

Trixie tilted her head with a bored look and motioned for him to come sit by her. Maybe this would get her some good karma.

He slid into the empty seat next to her as Mandie stared her down. The amazon's smile had dropped, she seemed to be contemplating leaping across the desks and permanently fusing Trixie's skull to the linoleum floor.

"Thanks, brah," The boy smiled at Trixie with relief, "I owe you one."

"Then how about you plan out some experiment for us." She slid the paper over to him and tried not to be obviously unnerved by Mandie.

He didn't seemed too fazed by her bossiness, in fact he smiled obediently.

People around them were shooting the pair strange looks, but Trixie didn't mind. She was Trixie Tang, she could work with whoever she wanted. A cool stare back on her part made them all look away quickly. All except for Mandie, that is. She had real hatred in her stare, the kind that made Trixie feel naked.

"So," Trixie rested her head against her fist and looked at the boy taking her quiz, "What's up with Miss Dye Job over there?"

"Mandie," He pronounced it oddly, "Is pretty nuts, man. She probably won't do anything but glare at you. She's after me."

"Well if she does come after me I'm calling the cops on both of you," Trixie sniffed, shooting the girl a glare, "Just FYI."

The bell signifying the end of first period was a blessing and the end of the second even more so. Trixie shared second block with Ivette, who was decent enough and all, but there was only so much talk about who was hooking up with whom that Trixie could take before even math was more interesting.

Lunch was a welcome relief. Veronica practically threw herself onto Trixie as soon as they saw each other and everyone else seemed glad to reunite after having to spend the morning with the people Remy referred to as common.

"It's like no one in this school ever even learned how to act like human beings," He asked in the most condescending tone ever spoken as he sipped his imported coffee.

"Look, Rem, not everyone feels the need to have their shirts so starched they stand up on their own." Tad said to Remy as Chad 'Ohhhed!' in the background.

Veronica rolled her eyes at them as she tried to down the awful cocktail of weird fruit juices she was drinking for a cleanse, "Boys."

"Speaking of boys," Ivette giggled as she pointed at Trixie, "I heard you have chemistry with a certain engaged one."

First of all that pun sucked almost as much as Ivette's poorly straighten hair. Trixie regarded her boredly, "Yeah, I agreed to work with him so his psycho ex wouldn't stab him with a pencil."

"Wait, what?" Veronica whipped around to stare at Trixie, clearly offended to be left out of the loop.

"God," What did it matter who Trixie pitied enough to work with, "I decided to work with some european stoner, who cares?"

"I'm not european?" Ohmigod why did everything in Trixie's life turn into a coincidence of soap opera proportions?

"That wasn't the insulting part." Trixie stated as she turned around to address Mark.

"C'Yeah, but I don't get how imply I'm, like, a mineral is supposed to be bad." Okay, so he was definitely on something harder than pot.

"Who cares," Veronica grimaced at him. Ah, Veronica could always be trusted to be a massive bitch to people when Trixie didn't want to be, "What are you doing here? This table is reserved for people who matter."

Again Mark seemed to only look happier at being treated like trash. He grinned at them, "I just wanted to know when I should come over to finish the experiment for Crocker?"

Before Veronica could tell him to never visit them Trixie sighed, "God, I don't really care. Come over tomorrow, like, after school." With that she completely dismissed him, turning around to go back to her previous conversation.

Mark was still unfazed and just walked off, but the cool kids were aghast.

"Did you just invite that freak to your house?" Veronica was physically sickened.

"I just want to make an A in that class, god, is that a crime?" Trixie pinched the bridge of her nose.

Ivette was obviously memorizing the situation to describe to people later, "Still, is it really a good idea to hang out with a married guy at your house?"

"I'm, like, pretty sure I've seen him at Remy's parties before," People were over complicating a group project, "So it's not like he's never been to one of our houses before."

Remy shrugged, "He always brings really good weed."

The next day Trixie made the last round through her house before her guest arrived. It's not like she actually cleaned the place, the only thing she cleaned out was Daddy's bank account. Despite that, there was no way Trixie was going to let a classmate into her house without it looking perfect enough to remind them that she is better than them.

The rest of the house was neat, which it should be considering how much they paid to have it cleaned, but her bedroom was immaculate. Perfectly made, fluffy bed on one wall, vanity full of makeup on the other, flatscreen tv on the third, with the fourth wall housing the doors to her walk in closet and personal bathroom. The floor was carpet so well vacuumed it had those neat lines in it. Really the entire place just screamed Youtube Makeup Guru, which was just how Trixie liked it.

She sat on the end of her bed, careful not to wrinkle her perfect bedspread, when her foot hit something half tucked under the edge of it.

"What?" She leaned down and felt around only to grab a fez.

Oh, yeah, that was Norm's. It must have fallen off when he was, well, over the other night. She'd have to return it next time.

Or maybe she could keep it. Definitely not because there were any emotions involved, having feelings for guys was always a huge mistake. Especially guys way older than you who were so different than basically anyone else you knew. Maybe she could just keep it as, like, a trophy or something.

It was a little late to start collecting trophies from every person she'd ever messed around with but maybe not every magic person she'd messed around with. She could probably find Sanderson and, like, steal his tie or something. She could definitely convince Cupid to have a round two and maybe even to give her one of his arrows.

Oh, well, either way she thought the fez looked nice on her nightstand.

The moment she set it down was the moment her butler called through the house, "Miss Tang, your guest has arrived."

Wiping any sort of sappy emotion off her face Trixie called back, "Send him up to my room!"

Trixie was perfectly composed when Mark opened her bedroom door, "So I hope you have an idea for this project, because I really don't know how were going to prove Crocker's weird delusions."

They weren't complete delusions, but there was no way Trixie was going to explain that.

"I figured we would, like, blame them for climate change for ten minutes and he'd probably give us an A," Mark's eyes were darting around her room, "Everything's really pink in here."

"Yeah, and?" Trixie asked.

He walked in stiffy, still glancing around like the flower wallpaper might bite him, "It's just so pastel."

"So's your fiance." Oh, that might have been a little too mean.

"C'Yeah and I left her at the alter." His tone was 'duh'.

"Well then it's, like, a good thing we're not getting married," Trixie rolled her eyes as he sat on the edge of her bed and, god, was he, like, allergic to pink or something, "So, what's your idea on how magic caused global warming?"

Mark shrugged, seemingly more comfortable when the topic of conversation wasn't his murder-bride or Trixie's decor, "I didn't really think that part out…"

"Well," Trixie said in her most super serious voice, "Maybe something like, magic's literally heating up the atmosphere."

He snorted, then agreed in a serious tone, "Or maybe magic is totally supercharging greenhouse gasses and making them hold in all the heat."

Trixie suppressed giggles and nodded, "Or, like, magic is made the same way electricity is, so magic causes pollution."

"Or some kid wished that plants pumped out carbon dioxide instead of oxygen," His shoulders were shaking.

They stared at each other deadfaced for a second before bursting into laughter.

"Ohmigod," Trixie gasped between peals of laughter, "Fifty bucks says that he gives us an A for that!"

"No," Mark shook his head, "He's, like, probably going to claim he came up with that on his own. Plagiarism!"

"Psssh," Trixie flipped her hair, "If he tries that I'll sue him." The Tang family lawyers didn't fuck around.

Mark dug through his bookbag to find something to write their project on. He leaned forward, only to pause when something caught his eye, "Brah, you have the limited edition SkullSquisher movie from the nineties!" Mark picked up a DVD case that had been kicked under her bed and oh god Trixie had forgotten to hide that again after she watched it. She had to think fast.

"Like, no I don't!" She yelled as she snatched it out of his hands.

"C'Yeah you do!" He lunged at the case and tried to grab it while she considered how hard she would have to hit him with it to knock him unconscious, "Where did you even get it? I searched, like, the entire internet, man! This is so wicked awesome!"

"Well, duh, there were only twenty copies ever made." Trixie replied without thinking, "I had to blackmail the producer."

Realizing what Trixie had just admitted the pair stared at eachother. Trixie was the first to blink.

"I swear, if you tell anybody I'll sue you so hard that your european country can feel it." She glared at him.

"I won't tell anybody if you let me watch it," Mark grinned, "Also, I'm not european."

Well she was already stuck, she might as well enjoy a good movie, "Fine, whatever."

As he finally pulled out a notebook to do their project in Trixie got up to pop in the DVD. When the overmuscled anti-hero appeared onscreen she pressed play then collapsed back onto her bed. She propped herself up on her elbow and watched the familiar opening credits played. Mark on the other hand was leaning forward, eyes wide as he tried to take in the blood soaked origin story and write at the same time.

If she ignore the nervousness in her stomach over the prospect of her dirty little secret getting out it was a fairly good night.

The next day was not as good.

Chemistry had gone well, they turned in their completed project. Mr. Crocker spent the rest of class grading and just put on a Bill Nye video. Apparently he wanted to start failing people as soon as possible.

Math was yet more of the same gossip from Ivette. Trixie had to tactfully avoid the subject of what she and Mark had been up to last night with a sharp eye roll and , "God, Ivette, we did a project together! No, I totally made out with some freaky skater kid who probably could give me a contact high."

It wasn't until Trixie was on her way to lunch that she was confronted.

A perfectly manicured green fist slammed into the locker beside Trixie's head, "What, exactly do you think you're doing?"

Holy fuck, Trixie flinched back reflexively and whipped around to look at Mandie, "Um, that totally depends on what you think I'm doing?"

"I think," Many purred, she had one of those low sensually voices that sounded like something out of a sixties spy movie, "That you're making a move on my husband."

"Not really," Trixie looked for a way to escape, but one side was blocked by Mandie's fist and the other her looming body, "We worked on a project about global warming together."

Mandie leaned forward until she was nose to nose with Trixie. The could have started making out they were so close, "I saw you two watching that movie together."

"No you didn't!" Trixie lied automatically.

"Yes I did!" Mandie snarled and, wow, her breath smelled like sugar perfume, "Which is why I'm challenging you to traditional Yugopotamian death combat over Prince Mark Chang of Yugopatamia! Tomorrow after school behind the cafeteria!"

Trixie stared in shock as the lavender haired girl turned on her heel and marched away.

Oh, she was going to kill Mark Chang.

By the time she found him in the cafeteria she felt less like murder and more like terror.

He was laughing about something with Timmy Turner, whose laughter trailed off as he caught sight of her.

"Um," Timmy nudged Mark and pointed towards Trixie. The entire table turned to look at her. Well, except for Tootie, who glared at her.

"Trixie!" Mark said cheerfully, "Did we, like, get our grades back or something?"

"Yes," Said Trixie, cool as ice, "And we need to talk about it. Now." It was her turn to turn and walk away.

He followed her into the hallway, but she didn't stop there. Trixie grabbed his arm and pulled him into the girls bathroom. She shot some underclassmen girls a look, "Leave."

They shrank back, running out.

"Um, are you okay?" Mark was giving her this big eyed look between attraction and fear.

"No," Trixie hissed, "I'm not okay. You're freaky fiance challenged me to a fight. Specifically she said death combat. Since when is that even legal anywhere? And since when is Yugoslavia still a country?"

Mark paled, "Oh, shit."

"Yeah."

"Well," He swallowed, "To answer your questions it's still legal on Yugopotamia, which is where I'm from. Oh, man, brah, dude, we got to tell Turner."

Trixie glared at him, "How about no. You're going to tell me how you plan to fix this. She knows what movie we were watching, no one can know."

"But-"

"No one." She cut him off, "Now explain how to fix this."

Mark sighed and pressed a hand to his face, "Okay, but don't scream."

"Why would I sc-" She was cut off by her own screaming.

Instead of a skeevily attractive punk, a squid now stood in front of Trixie Tang. Actually, squid was just the first thing Trixie's mind could find to describe whatever the hell it was. The not-squid was green and huge, about six feet tall counting the weird glass dome covering it's exposed brain. It had to uncannily human eyes with bright red irises and a wide grinning mouth. Didn't squids have beaks? It also wore a pinkish belt with a pinwheel design. This was about when Trixie's brain gave up trying to process it.

Her screaming was silenced when it slapped out a tentacle to cover her mouth. Ew, it was so slimy, ugh!

Trixie's face twisted in disgust as she batted it away,"Ohmigod!"

"C'Yeah," The squid said with Mark's voice, "I'm an alien."

"Ohmigod." It was obviously Mark.

"So's Mandie." It did a weird tentacly shrug.

"Oh. My. God." Why did everything that happened to Trixie have to be so weird? She leaned against the sinks and looked at the ceiling, counting to ten, "So does she look like a cuttlefish, too?"

"No," Mark shook his head, or rather twisted his weird gelatonious torso, "Mandie is unfortunately humanoid and curvacious." He motioned with two tentacles in front of him like breasts.

Sexual dimorphism at it's finest, "How can the guys of one species be squids and the girls green skinned space babes?"

Mark shook his torso again, "Mandie and I aren't, like, the same species. I'm a Yugopotamian. Mandie's a Boudacian."

"Then why are you marrying-?" Trixie began then waved it off, "A Boudacian? Seriously, that sounds like a cheap porno parody name."

"Well," Mark grinned, "Going by your human porn that's kind of, like, an accurate depiction of Boudacians."

Trixie squinted at him, "An alien pornstar princess challenged me to a death match."

"Basically," Mark nodded and, god, the invertebrate nature of his weird body made every gesture gross, "Which is why we totally have to go get Timmy to fix this!"

"Okay," Trixie held up a hand, "First of all, no one is going to know about the this. Is that clear?"

Mark nodded, "But-"

"No," Trixie put her hands on her hips, "Second, you are going to help me come up with a plan to beat her. Third, after that, we never speak of it again."

In the time before the bell rang to signal the end of lunch they came up with the beginnings of a plan.

The morning before Trixie was doomed to a deviant death match she was sipping hot coffee and trying to pick out an appropriate outfit.

She reached over to grab her mug of coffee but ended up holding a hand. She froze.

"Well aren't you affectionate today." Trixie could hear the smile in his voice.

"Norm, don't you, like, have anything better to do than stalking teenage girls?"

She looked over and, yeah, he was smiling at her. The hand she was clutching held the fez she had put on her bedside table. When she released him he placed it on his head and flopped down onto her bed.

"So, I heard you got challenged to a Yogopotamian death match." He said it like it was such a run of the mill thing. Oh, yeah, who doesn't have to fight to the death against green wonder woman at least semiannually?

"So is that a yes on the stalking thing then?" Trixie rolled her eyes and reached over to successfully grab her drink.

He rolled his right back, "Yeah, I bugged your phone because nothing in the universe interests me more than high school gossip. After I get done stalking you I read Tiger Beat."

With her most empathetic face Trixie patted his arm reassuringly, "Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Also, like, no one's read Tiger Beat since the nineties."

"Sorry, I've been trapped in a lamp since the seventies," He said, trying to excuse his pop cultural failure, "Anyway, I just wanted to know what I should bring to your funeral when Princess Pin-Up murders you in cold blood."

Was that concern Trixie heard in Norm's voice at the idea of her untimely slaughter? She smiled, a little smug as she sipped her coffee, "Don't worry about it, I have a totally foolproof plan."

"Really," He asked, obviously unbelieving. "And what, pray tell, is this foolproof plan?" As if to prove a point about her inability to protect herself from threat he reached out and grabbed her coffee straight from her hands.

Wow, rude. If he was going to be like that she would have to employ her most serious tactics. Maintaining a level of eye contact flitting between intimate and disquieting Trixie leaned forward and kissed him. He tried to say something, probably something sarcastic, but she took the opportunity to slip him the tongue. While Norm was suitably distracted by the girl suddenly throwing herself at him Trixie took the opportunity to steal back her drink. The mission a success, she pulled away, "It's something like that. It's about knowing your enemy"

He was still smiling, but it was heavier somehow. He looked like he was considering just pushing her back and repaying the favor. In the end he just laughed, "Well, guess I know who to bet on then."

"Well, duh," Trixie smirked, "Tang's are all winners. We're, like, the safest bet there is!"

Any further conversation was cut off when Norm leaned forward to kiss Trixie. While he didn't immediately go in for the tongue kill he did catch her by the back of the neck and pull her further into the kiss.

Before Trixie could adequately respond, however, he disappeared in a puff of smoke, taking her hot coffee with him.

"Ohmigod," She sighed dramatically as she fell back onto her bed. Oh, well, he would be back later anyway.

She had swiped his fez without him noticing.

It occurred to her hours later that this was the first time they had been near each other that didn't end with some sort of orgasm.

Eight hours later Trixie Tang was standing behind the high school looking way more confident than she actually felt. In little white shorts and a purple crop top she would at least leave a good looking corpse, even if she had to break dress code to do it. Mark was by her side, looking way less sure.

"We could, like, still get Timmy." He looked around nervously for the presence of Mandie, "There's still time."

"No there isn't." And there she was, the power princess herself.

Mandie had become, if possible, even hotter. She had ditched the sailor suit for some armor that looked like she stole it from a sexy Xena marries Aries cosplay. It showed off her long lean legs and did amazing things for her already incredible cleavage. Plus midcalf boots with ribbons up to her knees, Trixie was unsure whether it was high fashion or unbearably tacky. Also she had a big fucking sword that was on fire.

Trixie prayed to the only god she was sure would like her plan, Cupid, that it would work.

"Mark, sweetie," Mandie's voice was cooing sweet, "You're the royalty here, you have to officiate."

"Why do you even want to marry me again?" Mark asked nervously.

She smiled sweetly, "I don't have to marry you again, we're already married. Unforunately I'm your disposed queen right now. If I have your heir though, I can just rule as queen regent!"

"Ohmigod, you do realize marital rape is, like, illegal, right?" Trixie grimaced at Mandie, who was officially the worst second person she had ever met, probably.

"Not on Yugopotamia it isn't!" She said cheerfully, then turned to Mark, "Now let's get started!"

Mark gulped, his voice was shaky, "Let the death match begin!"

Mandie lunged, screaming as she swung her sword at Trixie. It singed the air in hair's width from her face as she dropped, dodging. Trixie twisted around, throwing herself to the side as the sword impacted where she had just been. She rolled to a stop and, yeah, she had to get that sword away from Mandie right that second.

She stayed in place until she could feel Mandies shadow bearing down on her. At the last second she jerked to the left then slammed her arm out into Mandie's. The amazonian wasn't expecting that and momentarily lost her grip. Taking the opportunity, Trixie lept straight onto Mandie.

It wasn't even enough to knock the bigger woman over, but it did surprise her. This gave Trixie enough time for her next move. Wrapping her arms around Mandie's neck, Trixie kissed her.

Mandie tasted sugar sweet, like cotton candy or bubblegum. Trixie kept the kiss comparatively chaste, leaned up with her eyes closed and pulled away slowly. When she opened her eyes Mandie was staring down at her.

"So you want to do things the Boundacian way, then?" She was giving her this odd look, flush faced with her head cocked to the side and a waterfall of thick purple hair down her back.

Trixie rolled her eyes, "Um, duh. No, I was just charmed by your super plush lips." They were pretty plush, though.

Instead of a witty comeback Mandie lunged again, full force, into Trixie. Black lips smashed into Trixie's pink glossed ones as Mandie tackled her onto the ground. She kissed with teeth, catching Trixie's lower lip and drawing blood. A hand snaked up to restrain her wrists and the other slipped beneath her shirt, groping through Trixie's bra.

If she wanted rough, Trixie could do rough. Swinging one leg over Mandie's hip she pushed the other between her thighs to meet, oh, well she guess Boudacians didn't wear panties then.

That earned a gasp from Mandie, who released Trixie's wrists. Trixie quickly reached out to grab at Mandie's breast hard, as she assumed the way the Boudacian had been pawing at her own chest was a sign of how she liked it. The other newly freed hand whipped up to tug at the woman's massive mane. That got a moan.

When Mandie moved back in for the kiss Trixie was ready, all teeth and tongue and even the Boudacian's blood tasted sweet to her. She trailed away and moved to kiss her neck, only to sink dull human teeth into it. God, she could feel Mandie getting wet against the thigh she kept firmly against the aliens crotch. It was even getting Trixie hot, though she actually wore panties.

Panties weren't going to stop a boss babe like Mandie. Once the princess had recovered from the start she had given at being bitten she popped the button to Trixie's shorts and slipped her hand inside her panties.

That drew out Trixie's rather loud nature, pulling a gasping squeal and an arched back. Trixie's hips pressed to the probing green fingers that rubbed so excellently against her clit.

It was only a mumbled, "Fuck." From the still watching Mark Chang that reminded her, oh, yeah, she was trying to win.

Trixie ground her thigh against Mandie and when the princess gasped used the chance to gain leverage. They flipped, Trixie now on top of Mandie, looking down.

God, she was beautiful. Different than Trixie's delicate beauty, Mandie was muscle and curves. She had thighs that could crush skulls and breasts that could feed nations. Her sculpted face was flushed and her hair disarrayed.

This was Trixie's chance.

Pulling Mandie's hand from her pants Trixie slipped down between her legs. Pushing Mandie's weird spartan skirt up and, yeah, that was a porn star vagina. It was clean shaven apart from a landing strip of purple hair. Trixie dove right in.

Trixie licked a clean stripe up it, then focused in on the engorged flesh of the alien's forest green clit. From the noises she was making Mandie had no issue with it, bucking up against Trixie's mouth. She was nearly as loud as Trixie was, gasping and wailing in what sounded to be a different language. Even her pussy tasted sugar sweet, none of the salty undertones sexual fluids usually held. Even though all of her experience with other girls came from sleepovers with Veronica it still seemed out of this world.

When Trixie decided to up the ante and slipped a finger inside Mandie lost it. Demanding more, the princess grabbed the back of Trixie's head and shoved it down, grinding up against the smaller girls mouth. Even though she could hardly breathe, Trixie complied, adding more fingers and moving was rewarded with louder yelling and warbling screams and it was a wonder no one had come to check who was getting murdered.

Right around the time Trixie had begun to press her own thighs together and rock her hip, wanting some friction of her own, Mandie's noises reached a fever pitch. The feeling of her clenching around Trixie's fingers was so strong it bordered on painful. Her face ended up squashed into Mandie's pubic bone. Still, the moaning scream she made was cut glass sharp and pretty.

Once Mandie's hand relaxed Trixie pulled back and swallowed reflexively. Mandie really did taste good.

She sat up and could feel the pressure at the pit of her own hips, but that didn't matter because, "I won."

She from the blissfully orgasmed Mandie to Mark, who for somebody repulsed by beauty was awfully red in the face and shaky breathed as he stared at them. Realizing he had to call it he nodded, "C'Yeah, um, Trixie totally wins!"

Roused by the statement Mandie sighed, going from joyous to deeply unhappy, "How could I?" She dragged her hand, hopefully not the one that had been in Trixie's pants, through her hair, "Fine, you win. He's your husband now."

Trixie smacked the hand that definitely hadn't been in Mandie's vagina against her face, "Ohmigod, how many times do I have to say I don't want Mark!"

"Wow, that's nice." Mark sounded offended.

Trixie's glared at him, "I mean, like, sexually!" She turned to Mandie, "Look, forcing him to knock you up is wrong, so don't. That doesn't mean that you can't, like, seduce him by not being a huge bitch."

Mandie stared at her long and hard, "I think I get it now."

"Good," Trixie smiled. She solved everyone's problem, as usual.

"You don't want to steal my husband, you want to be the royal concubine!" Mandie beamed.

"What!?" Trixie jerked back, that wasn't what she meant at all!

Mandie seemed much less stressed now that her position as wannabe queen was not being threatened, "It's a very honorable position for a commoner. I promise not to turn the court against you if you don't turn it against me."

Well first of all Trixie Tang wasn't a fucking commoner. She looked to Mark for backup but he appeared to like the idea, "I'm not anyone's concubine."

"No, lover," Mandie rolled her eyes, "You're the royal concubine, that means you're both of ours!"

"Mark, tell her I'm no ones concubine!" Trixie snapped at him.

The disguised alien only blushed, "Well, legally you kind of are now, brah."

"Deep breaths, lover," Mandie patted Trixie's back, "I know it's exciting!"

It took twenty minutes to convince Mandie to stop calling Trixie lover. She didn't ever manage to convince her that she wasn't weird her weird space mistress now.

Ugh, aliens.

* * *

Author's Note:

unknown20troper: Thank you, goofy descriptions are my specialty! Yes, it's becoming clear that everything I touch turns to grim dark. Don't worry, though, gallows humor is the best kind! Yeah, Anti Cosmo is more of a traditional fairy with all the blue and orange mortality that goes along with it! And Cupid is a Roman God, it's not like they're really big on consent.  
Yep! Norm's catching feelings, even if he doesn't realize it. We can all see they really do have emotions for people other than themselves.  
Trixie's life is so ridiculous by this point and it's only going to get worse.

pithyPrestidigitator: In this terribly debauched fic, all your dreams will come true!  
Thank you very much! World building just makes it sexier and I do try to make them all act like people and not just mindless sex-bots!

If anyone's wondering about just what is Trixie's sexuality, she rates a solid two on the Kinsey Scale! Please read and review to tell me what you think and what else you'd like to see.


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